


Counted All My Mistakes and There's Only One

by fxcknouiam



Series: i'm not done yet, falling for your fools gold [2]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Abortion, Discussion of Abortion, Domestic Violence, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Gen, Girl niall, Infidelity, LITERALLY, Larry Stylinson Is Real, Lies, Mysterious Zayn, Narry smut, Niall-centric, Niam - Freeform, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Shameless Smut, Smut, Violence, girl louis, nialls a liar, sneaky, ziall
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-20
Updated: 2015-10-03
Packaged: 2018-04-16 07:42:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 30,048
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4617033
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fxcknouiam/pseuds/fxcknouiam
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's been two years and Niall's life isn't quite what she expected, or hoped it would be.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**_ *two years later* _ **

When Niall pulls up to the house Zayn and Evander are already outside waiting. Zayn looks up from checking his watch and picks up the toddler to carry him to her truck. Miley Cyrus blasts through the speakers, if Zayn's annoyed now he should have heard it when Niall had the bass on.

"I've told you multiple times not to listen to that when he's in the car." Zayn is dressed in his usual attire, slacks and a dress shirt with a watch that matches his shoes, sunglasses that could buy a small apartment. The usual.

"Could you hook him up? We're late." Niall ignores his attitude. Evander loves Miley.

Zayn rolls his eyes and walks to the other side of the car where the boys car seat is. Niall's been gone all morning so Zayn got Evander dressed. He always makes him look like a little yatch club trust fund prat. Niall hates it, luckily she thought ahead and keeps some of Evander's clothes in her truck.

"Tell daddy he's a lame and he can't hang with us," Niall turns around to face her son.

The crinkles his nose the way he always does when he's excited. "No daddy! Can't with us!" Evan squeals.

Zayn huffs as he's buckling him in. He kisses the toddlers forehead before he fixes a lose strand from his parted brown hair and closes his door, walking around to Niall's side.

"Where are you going?" Zayn asks, leaning his hand against the top of her car.

"Lunch with Louis and a little shopping, maybe."

Zayn raises his eyebrows, Niall cuts him off before he can start his bitching.

"She's clean now and she needs me."

Granted Niall needed Louis too a couple years ago, but she was in a different place then. Johannah took her home to Doncaster and put her in a rehab, she's back now and better than ever. Niall's proud of her, and happy she even bothered to come back (even if it was mostly for Harry).

Zayn sighs. "Watch him, and make sure he eats. I'll be home around six, try to be back before I am. I love you." He leans in and pecks her lips, twice.

"Love you."

Niall types in her GPS when Zayn starts walking towards his car. Must be nice taking different luxury sports cars everyday when you don't have to worry about a car seat in the back.

"We goin' Mama?" Evander asks.

"We're gonna go see daddy." Niall grabs the nuggets from the McDonald's bag in the passenger seat and hands them to the boy, who smiles with all his little teeth showing.

"Our little secret." She whispers, her finger over her lips.

***

It's a bit of a drive from Tarpon Springs to St. Petersburg. About an hour, give or take but it's only two by time they get there so they've still got plenty of time. Evander is sleeping, clutching a nugget as Niall gently takes him out of his seat.

The hotel door opens before she even knocks. When she's in she carefully lays her son on the bed, petting his cheek when he fusses until he settles again.

"Zayn always dresses him like a little prick." Niall complains, removing Evander's khakis to change his diaper. She doesn't bother putting pants back on him, she's putting jeans on him when he wakes up anyways.

"Well Zayn always has been pretty pretentious." Liam shrugs.

"Ooo somebody swallowed a thesaurus today." Niall kisses him hello, humming when he wraps his arms around her back.

"You look good."

"So do you, smell good too." He obviously just got out of the shower, only in basketball shorts and socks. "If we're quiet do you think we can manage a quickie in the bathroom?"

Liam snorts, but he's not fooling anyone. Niall feels that semi against her thigh.

"You plan on fucking him later?" He digs his fingers in her butt cheeks, kneading a little. Her dress is short enough that he could touch it for real if he wanted to.

It's taken Niall years to understand that he's not asking because he cares, or because he's jealous. Just that Zayn will notice if she's had sex with someone else.

Liam's so fucking big it takes her two days of kegeling to snap back to normal. She loves it.

Niall shakes her head, nipping Liam's bottom lip.

"I think he's seeing someone too." She confesses.

Zayn's really weird about his phone and where he's going, kind of like she is. It may be hypocritical but she is kind of jealous at the thought of Zayn being with someone else.

"Maybe he's seeing Sophia." She jokes, earning a swat to the butt.

They still aren't allowed to talk about her. He did tell Niall about Sophia being infertile and not wanting kids anyway though. It's a shame because even though they have to sneak around Liam is really good with Evander. They adore each other.

"Wouldn't that be an interesting turn of events? We could all get together, have a little fun." Niall pats each of his butt cheeks as she talks, swaying them a little.

Liam is more than enough for her, and Zayn too but it could be interesting to have them both together. It would definitely be overwhelming, seeing both of those cute butts and big-

"That's it." Liam picks her up by _her_  butt cheeks, she squeaks and wraps her legs around his hips.

He takes her in the small hotel bathroom, kicking the door closed behind him and sets her on the counter by the sink. He hikes up her dress and yanks her panties down her thighs, shoving his tongue in her mouth as his fingers pet over her lips.

"You have to be quiet," he reminds her, because their child is in the other room. It's beautiful how he cares. "If you're loud, I'll shove my cock in your mouth and we'll be done." He warns.

Niall squirms. That's mostly what her and Zayn do, blow jobs while she takes care of herself with her own fingers. She's not complaining though, she likes it.

With one last kiss to her lips he sinks to his knees, parting her thighs to trail open mouthed kisses up them. Niall scoots forward, draping her knees over his shoulders. Her fingers card through his hair as he parts her lips with his tongue, tracing her hole like he just wants to taste her. He's always so good at this, at eating her out. It's a shame his wife is disgusted at the thought of oral, Liam's really good at it.

Niall gasps when his plump lips wrap around her clit, tightening her thighs around his head to keep him there. Liam moans when she pulls his hair, taking long licks from her hole up to her clit, circling it before going back down again. Greedily she grinds her hips into face. His tongue feels amazing, Niall's torn between wanting more now or holding back to make it last.

The thing about Zayn is, he loves head. Just not giving it.

Oh fuck it, if she plays her cards right she can get Liam to eat her out again before she leaves.

"Fahhh, right there." She pulls his hair hard, smashing his face into her clit. He doesn't seem to mind, he just sticks his tongue flat out, letting her grind on it until she makes herself come.

"Not gunna last for you to come again," he warns her. That's his way if giving her options, she can fuck him and not come or blow him.

Niall loves having a cock in her mouth, especially a big and pretty one like Liam's but. That'll probably take at least ten minutes and she'd still like to rinse off in the shower before Evander wakes up. He's probably already awake, he's such a good boy that he'll lay there watching tv until someone comes to get him, no matter what's on it.

She slides off the counter and turns around to lay flat on her belly, propping her foot up on the toilet so she's spread open.

"Be gentle, it's been a while."

Liam's already pushing in, she wasn't kidding about it being a while. The stretch burns, he's so fucking big it takes her breath away.

"You alright baby?" Liam pants once he's bottomed out, spreading her cheeks to thumb over her ass hole.

Niall shivers, anal isn't really her thing but some fingers are always nice.

"Yeah, go slow."

Liam pulls almost all of the way out, pushing back in slowly. Through the mirror Niall can see his face, his jaw is dropped and his eyes are focused on where they're connected. She grins and hides her face in her arms.

His thumb just barely passes her rim, he groans and speeds up just a little. It doesn't hurt so much anymore, Niall's used to it and it's starting to feel good now. She lets out a little moan.

"You like that?" Liam asks, gripping her cheeks harder, pulling them further apart.

He can look but he's never putting his prick in that hole, never gonna happen.

"Yeah," Niall says, exaggerating her moan for his benefit.

"You missed this dick, didn't you?"

Niall has to bite her arm she's smiling so hard. She did miss it, and she's not laughing at him but she's just so happy and she loves seeing him so worked up because of her.

"Dream about your dick, baby."

Liam groans, and before she knows it Liam's coming, everywhere. In her and all over her ass cheeks, wanking himself as he puts just the tip back in and pulls it out again, tracing his sticky come all over her thighs.

"So messy." Niall comments, not at all complaining. She will be if any of that shit gets on her dress though.

He could probably stare at her ass covered in spunk all day if she'd let him, so she slides off the counter and pulls her dress over her head, ignoring his pout.

"I'm gonna rinse off," Niall gives him a quick kiss, because come on now. Who could really, truly ignore that pout? "Wipe up and go check on my babe."

" _My_ babe." Liam corrects, turning on the sink and wetting one of the hotel rags.

Niall raises an eyebrow at him, amused.

"He likes me better than you." He shrugs, smug.

That's not even kind of accurate, but she'll let him have his moment. Liam and Zayn both think they're Evan's favorite when in reality he's mama's best friend. He just puts up with them.

By time Niall's done rinsing off and redressing herself (her eyeliner is still good) Liam and Evander appear to be having a debate of some sort. Liam's standing in front of the bed with his hands on his hips, Evander matching his stance on the bed in just his diaper and white shirt. Niall coos, quietly though so she doesn't disturb boy time.

She wasn't kidding about her being Evan's favorite, once he notices her Liam will be chopped liver for at least the next twenty minutes. He's always like that when he first wakes up.

The good news his he disheveled his own hair in his sleep so Niall doesn't have to, he's such a good little dude.

"Let me get this straight," Liam points his finger at the boy, who smiles while trying to look angry. "You had nuggets without me, and didn't even save me a bite?"

Evander sighs and palms his forehead, seemingly defeated. "I sorry, okay?"

Liam laughs, Niall stifles her giggles.

"I forgive you, but only if you give me a big kiss."

Evan tilts his face up, puckering his lips for his bigger twin. Niall coos again, louder this time as she walks to sit on the edge of the bed. Evander immediately pushes Liam away away and cheers for his mama.

"Good morning sunshine!" Niall squeezes the baby in a tight hug.

"Ooo'morning sunshine." He repeats, squeezing her neck just as tight.

Liam smiles at them for a minute before going to his gym bag in the corner, probably for a top so they can get going soon. Niall's hungry and bored and it's already after three.

"Was daddy jealous of your nuggets?" Niall pouts. Evan mimics her pout and nods. "How did he know you had nuggets?"

"At that!" He jumps on Niall's lap, pointing to half a chicken nugget by the pillow. He's definitely her kid, with the way he dives on top of said nugget and starts eating it.

"Where do you wanna go? I'm starving and I'm gonna eat this turkey leg if I'm not fed soon." Niall asks Liam, squeezing Evan's chunky thigh.

Evan squeals. "No mama!"

Liam laughs too, because her baby is just that stinkin' cute. "I dunno." He shrugs, putting on a white top of his own.

They're all wearing white, this is a disaster waiting to happen.

"I was thinking the F-A-R-E, I'll buy you some corndogs and ride some rides," Liam (tries to) spell, defeating the purpose when he mentions rides.

Luckily Evan is distracted by jumping on Niall. ("Mama!" "What!" "Notttt turkey leg, no no.")

Niall snorts. "Proper romantic."

He shrugs again. "Not meant to be romantic, just wanna spend some time with you two while I can."

***

They make it home a little after seven, thanks to a fucking parade and Evan not wanting to leave. He fell asleep after ten minutes of crying in car seat and he's still sleeping, clutching a stuffed dog Liam helped him win and a bag of cotton candy.

Niall hides the cotton candy under the seat before Evan wakes up, and most importantly before Zayn approaches them.

"Where's your phone?" He greets her with an annoyed expression.

"In my purse." Niall makes herself busy unhooking Evander without waking him.

"You haven't answered me in hours, you take my kid and my car and think you can just disappear?" He spits, taking Evander's sleeping body away from her the second she turns around with him.

Wow, okay.

"I can't text and drive," is her weak excuse. Forgive her, she's blindsided and tired.

Zayn roles his eyes and stalks off into the house. Niall's in the kitchen, putting dishes in the dishwasher when he finds her minutes later. The house is a little messy, maybe that's why he's crabby? Her phone showed five missed calls and a few texts from him but they were all asking where she was and if Evander ate, as if she's going to starve her own kid. Or any kid for the matter, for fucks sake.

"Where did you go today?" Zayn demands.

"Lunch, and to the fair." Niall replies casually, purposely ignoring his accusing tone. Did he see her with Liam? What's his problem? "You?"

"Lunch with who?"

"Louis..." Niall puts the last plate in the dishwasher, watching him as she fills it with soap.

"Funny that, I ran into her and Harry today."

Fuck, her first thought is fuck and her second is that she's fucked.

But. Louis and Harry still live in St. Pete's and have no reason to come up here, so.

"Where?" Niall cocks a brow. She starts the dishwasher without even looking at this point.

"Doesn't matter, Louis said she didn't know she had plans with you today." Zayn's eyes are wild and crazy, he looks a bit scary, which is about right since Niall's a bit scared.

"But where did you see them?"

Zayn slams his fist onto the counter, ignoring Niall's squeak. "Who the fuck were you with Niall?!"

"Evan!" Niall yells back, scared and defensive. A little irritated, frustrated too.

"Why would you say you were going to be with Louis if you weren't? Who did you have around my fucking son Niall? Do /Not/ lie to me, damn it!"

"Nobody!" She denies.

Zayn storms towards her and her first instinct is to run, because he looks so scary. Unfortunately he catches her by the arm and shoves her back against the sink where she was standing before. He keeps one hand gripped on her upper arm, the other squeezing her jaw so she can't look away from his face.

"All you do is spend all of my money and lie to me and I'm sick of it!" Zayn growls.

"What?" She doesn't even- not really, she hardly spends any money on herself! Most of the things she buys with his credit card are for the house or the baby, sure her school bills are pretty high but it was Zayn's idea for her to go back! He insisted.

"You lie to me all the fucking time Niall! Where do you always go? How is there three hundred miles on the truck since I last checked it less than a month ago?" His grip tightens on her jaw, she's bent backwards over the kitchen sink trying to push him away. It's no use, he's stronger than she is.

"Where. Do. You. Go?" Zayn demands.

Niall whines and squirms, digging her nails into his arms. "School!" She screams.

He pushes her, finally letting go of her only to turn around and kick the cupboards, splitting the wood on one of them. Niall watches, corned in the kitchen as he destroys it, crying because this isn't Zayn. Zayn doesn't act this way, he must of had a bad day. Seeing Louis probably really pissed him off, though she doesn't know how he could have casually ran into her. Nothing makes sense and she's so tired, emotionally and physically.

"Stop!" She cries when he takes to kicking the wine rack. She's barefoot, bare feet and glass aren't a fun time. "You're going to scare Evan stop!"

Zayn turns to look at her, all huffy and wild eyed. He tugs at his own hair, making frustrated noises as he does. He looks fucking nuts.

"Get the fuck out of my face!" He screams, pointing in the general direction of the kitchen door. Niall doesn't need to be told twice. She makes a run for it and this time he doesn't stop her.

***

Niall checks on Evander before she does anything else. He's sleeping in his big boy bed, completely unaffected as cartoons play quietly in the background. She takes his pants off, knowing he prefers to sleep without them before changing his diaper. He's pouting his little lips in his sleep, he looks so much like Liam it drives a knife through Niall's heart.

She hates herself for the life she's giving him. He doesn't know about any of it yet, and she hopes he never does. She has to make changes before he starts to learn and notice all of her fuck ups. She's never been more motivated to finish college, become a school teacher and slowly but surely get her shit together.

Niall takes a quick shower, scalding hot and not nearly as long as she'd like it to be. She wraps herself in her silky robe and her hair in a fluffy towel, she deserves to feel nice, she thinks. Zayn's not in the bedroom when she comes out, she checks the nanny cam in Evander's room on the laptop before she logs onto her classes. Zayn's not in there either. Good.

An hour later she's finished two of the assignments she'd been stalling on, just turning them in as Zayn shuffles into the room. The bed is big enough that if she stays on her side (she never does) they won't touch at all, maybe that's what's best right now.

Zayn kicks off his clothes, obviously not caring where they land on his way to the bathroom, showering the door open. He doesn't care about any messes he makes ever because he'll just bitch at her if she doesn't clean it up. He's not perfect either.

Niall remembers a time when she thought he was Mr. Perfect.

Hell, she still does, honestly. He's just in one of his moods and he's acting like a prick.

Zayn comes out of the bathroom all wet with just a black pair of boxers on. She's mad, and he probably still is too so Niall's subtle with her staring. He may be a prick but he's still hot.

"You're going to have to start doing school online until I can trust you again."

If he's this angry about _not_  knowing what she did today, imagine what it'd be like if he did know. Niall shudders at the thought.

"I took the keys to the truck. You'll get it back after the GPS is installed, if the GPS is unplugged the car will shut off." He explains, plugging his phone into the charger. Like this is just a casual conversation.

Who does he think he is? Her fucking dad? Niall remains silent.

"You wanna tell me why there's a lock on your phone?" He finally looks at her, as he's climbing into bed.

She doesn't even have her phone, it's in her purse on the couch. Or, it was, at least.

"There's a lock on your phone, too." Niall counters. She's not going to gain the upper hand in this situation, that much is obvious but she wouldn't be Niall if she didn't try.

Zayn laughs, dry and humorless. "You tried to go through my phone? What in God's name gives you that right?"

Why is he being like this? She always gets instant karma and then some every time she does something kind of fucked up and she's sick of it.

"I can take it to Apple and have it unlocked or you can tell me where you went today, without lying." Ultimatums, nice.

"We went to the fair." Niall's voice sounds like a scared child, she hates it. But maybe it'll make him feel bad. She could use some sympathy from him.

"Who's we?"

"Me and Evan." She lies, hoping he buys any of the bull shit she's about to try to sell him. If he gets his hands on her phone when it's unlocked she's screwed, because like the idiot she is she didn't delete anything. All of the text messages to Liam are still there, saved under Dr. Higgins.

"Why did you tell me you were meeting Louis if you planned to go to the fair?"

"I didn't plan to go to the fair." At least that part is true. "I was going to call Louis to see if she wanted to meet up and she didn't answer, so I drove down there to maybe do some shopping by the beach and I seen the fair. Did you see his stuffed dog? He won that for you."

Boom. She's still got it.

Zayn visibly softens at that. It's hard to stay mad when Evander is involved, he's big bad Zayn's Achilles heel.

"Yeah, I seen the dog." The dog is actually on the couch with her purse and Evander's back pack, considering Zayn went through her purse he had to of seen the dog.

"I'm sorry I didn't call you to tell you the change of plans, he just looked so happy when he seen the rides. Next time you should come with us, he would love that."

Truth is Evander probably wouldn't care who was there as long as Niall held his hand, but Zayn doesn't need to know that.

"Fuck," Zayn mutters, dragging his hand over his face. Maybe she did get the upper hand after all, and her phone is safe. "I'm sorry."

Now that he's broken and defeated and she is the champion, Niall rolls back to the middle. She's still not touching him but with even the slightest movement she could be.

"Don't be, I should have told you. I'm sorry I made you angry."

It's a mind game, you see. If Niall just accepted that apology it would be like telling him she knows he's wrong. Instead she plays dumb and naive, like she's the one that fucked up because he won't correct her on it, won't push his apology. He'll accept hers and feel bad for manipulating her into thinking she was wrong, leading him to be extra nice to her for a few weeks if she's lucky.

Niall should be a psychology major, fuck this first grade teaching shit.

"We just need to work on communication," Zayn says, looking up at her from where he's laying.

Niall leans down to give him a soft kiss on the lips, his tongue touches hers once before she pulls away.

"How long you taking my truck for, daddy?" She pets his cheek, keeping her face close to his.

"I was serious about the GPS, but you'll have it back by tomorrow evening at the latest."

Fuck. She'll just have to start meeting Liam at a library or something and have him drive them where ever they plan on going.

"Okay. Goodnight," Niall kisses him again, just a quick peck before she rolls back to her side and clicks off her lamp.

A second or two later Zayn's shuts off as well and cuddles behind her, pulling her in to spoon.

"I love you." He tells her, sleepy and quiet.

It's too soon for her to act like she's sleeping is the reason she doesn't say it back, so she does. Lying is easy for her anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the gps is in the beginning is on her phone in case anyone was confused


	2. Chapter 2

"Wait wait wait you what?" Louis asks, incredulous and incredibly judgmental.

Her and Harry came by about an hour ago to visit while Zayn's at work. Harry and Evander are currently sitting in front of the television watching an intense episode of Bubble Guppies and eating animal crackers. Honestly Harry is probably more into it than Evan, with the way Evan keeps looking at him to make sure he's still watching.

"You have like a million of them!" Niall squawks in defense.

"No, I know it's just when _I_  begged you to get a matching one with me, which _I_  was going to pay for you went into a rant about never wanting one,"

Niall rolls her eyes, this is not the reaction she was expecting when she first told Louis about getting a tattoo.

"Well Zayn had the guy here because he was getting one so I-"

"You got a matching tattoo with Zayn?!" Louis looks so offended and personally attacked and she hasn't even seen the tattoo yet. So dramatic.

Niall's missed her, so much.

"No! Not at all, Zayn got my name and I got-"

"Oh right you got his, so original Niall." Louis says, obviously sarcastic. Rude.

"No! Would you shut up? I got Evander's name." She also got Zayn's initials on the inside of her ring finger but her wedding rings cover that, thankfully. It was his idea and she couldn't exactly say no after he put her picture on his arm where everybody could see it.

"Oh awww!" Louis coos. Evander copies her quietly with his eyes still focused on the screen. "That's so cute, show me."

Niall sits up and folds her shirt up over her breasts, revealing the small writing on her ribs. She was pretty stoned when she got it so she didn't really feel it, she was just giggling because Zayn kept petting her face and he was shirtless.

"Aww, babe you're a cool mum now." Louis traces the writing with her finger.

Now? As in she wasn't a cool mom before? Huh. "My tongue is pierced," Niall reminds her. That makes her cool too.

Louis rolls her eyes. "Okay so you're a slutty mum then."

Niall doesn't deny it, just shrugs as she puts her top back down.

Evander sets his bowl of animal crackers next to Harry's bowl between the older man's legs and gives him a little smile before getting to up walk to Niall. He's such a little sweetheart.

"Mama she's my friend," Evan's little hand rests on Niall's knee, the other pointing to Harry.

Whether Evan thinks Harry is a girl or not is beyond Niall because hello, he's two and yesterday he called Niall a "him's" whilst tattling on her to Zayn, so. Plus Harry's shirt is really pretty and his hair is almost as long as Niall's now.

"Is he? What's his name?" Niall asks, subtly correcting the baby.

"Um," Evan stares at Louis, who smiles at her nephew. "My friend." He decides with a shrug.

Louis coos and Harry looks absolutely smitten at having earned Evan's acceptance.

"Okay." Niall nods.

"Having some more?" Evan's eyes are wide and his lips are puckered, he's asking for more cookies. It's then Niall notices Harry's bowl is empty.

"Sure baby, he can haven some more."

Niall takes Evan's hand and walks with him to the kitchen, Louis follows them. When they get to the snack cabinet Evan waits patiently for Niall to get the big plastic container down. She hands it to him and smiles as he carries it back to the living room, it's almost as big as him.

"He looks so much like Liam Ni," Louis shakes her head.

"I know." Niall nods. Evander looks a little like her, her ears and chin. He's got Liam's eyes and lips, his nose is hers too. Cute and small.

"You got lucky he's cute, Zayn's kids are gonna be pretty cute too."

Niall makes a face, pouring herself and Louis a glass of cold tea. It's sweetened so Louis will probably bitch but oh well, Niall didn't make it.

"Does Zayn even want kids?" Louis wonders.

Niall doesn't care.

"I don't know." She shrugs. She hasn't told anybody about her period being six days late, because she's probably not going to keep this one. She loves Evander with all her heart, and that's the reason she doesn't want another baby. She just wants him.

"I'm not having any more anyway." Niall tells her.

Louis raises her eyebrows. "Even if Zayn wants another?"

Louis of all people is really talking to her about having babies... what is the world coming to?

"He can adopt." She says like its obvious, because it is. There are other options for Zayn to have a baby, but it will be just Zayn's baby. Niall's not taking care of it.

"Wow." Louis shakes her head.

Niall just looks at her.

"Bit selfish innit? Like, he does a lot for you yeah? And you won't even give him his own baby?"

Who the fuck-

"He has his own baby." Niall corrects her friend. Evander's last name isn't Malik for nothing.

"That's Liam's baby too," Louis argues.

Niall's starting to get annoyed now, because none of this is anybody's business but her own. "Biologically."

The brunette rolls her eyes, pursing her lips. "Oh so you mean to tell me you don't have Evan call Liam dad?"

This is why Niall doesn't tell her anything.

"What are you getting at? I didn't say anything to you when you decided to turn into a dike and get cracked out with your girlfriend." Niall spits.

Was it a low blow? Sure. But it's still true nonetheless.

"And then she left me in the bathroom to choke on my own vomit, so maybe you should have. It was heroine by the way, but thanks for that." It's obvious her feelings are a little hurt, Niall feels bad for taking it there but Evan and Liam are sensitive subjects.

"I'm just saying. You're fucking this guy over, do you even love him?"

Seriously?

Niall licks her teeth, proper annoyed now. "I married him didn't I?"

"But you cheat on him? And you get all pissy at the mention of having his kid." Louis points out. "Why do you even talk to that prick? It's really fucked up how you bring your kid around him."

Niall glares at her. She's crossing the line and Niall's slowly transitioning from annoyed to pissed off. "It's his kid too."

"But you just said he's Zayn's? Face it if something were to happen to Evan Liam wouldn't do shit until his wife fell asleep." Louis says, almost casually if it weren't for that bit of bite in her tone.

"Nothing is going to happen to my fucking kid, what the fuck are you on about?" Niall's perfectly capable of taking care of Evander on her own! She has this far at least, and he's still alive and healthy and well mannered for a two year old, she thinks.

"You're missing the point Niall," Louis shakes her head.

"You aren't making any points Louis, this is none of your business anyway."

"My point is that Zayn's a good guy and it's bull shit how you treat him?" Louis makes a face, her debate face like when she's looking for an argument. Niall's seen it too many times.

"Says you, who fucked around with some junkie because your boyfriend wouldn't tell you it made him sad!" Niall doesn't actually know if the last part is true, but oh well. If Louis is going to attack her relationship Niall's going to attack back.

"Harry fucked around with her too!" Louis defends. "At least it was in front of his face and not behind his back."

"Why do you care?" Niall practically yells. Her whole body feels hot with how fucking mad she is. "It's none of your business, Louis! Are you my friend or Zayn's?"

"/And/, I'm both of your friends that's why I want you guys to work out,"

Niall squints her eyes, glaring at Louis. "We are working out,"

They're still married, aren't they? Louis doesn't live here, she doesn't know their relationship. They're fine, not that that's anybody else's business.

"Yeah for now, until he finds out you're fucking that prick."

Niall's quiet for a minute, because Louis' right. Niall's gotta stop telling her stuff, especially since she didn't even have her back when Zayn called her phone to get a hold of Niall that day she went to the fair with Liam and the baby. That's right, Zayn didn't "run into" them at all, he called her and she didn't even lie for Niall like Niall specifically told her to.

"You know what Louis?" Niall says after a while, slow and quiet. Louis raises an expectant eyebrow at her. "Fuck you. I don't tell you how to live, and I damn sure don't judge you for it."

"Niall I'm not-"

"I think you should leave." Niall stands up and takes both of their full cups to the sink. This day was nice until Louis started her shit, Niall wants them gone before Zayn gets home anyway.

How ironic Louis is so quick to defend Zayn over Niall, when Zayn doesn't even really like Louis. She should tell her that.

"You're serious?"

Niall nods, passing her up on the way back to the living room. Louis follows her.

"Niall, listen I-"

"Evan buddy tell your friend bye, they're going home now." Niall ruffles the boys hair from where he's taken to sitting on the sofa.

Harry makes a confused face up at Louis' distressed one. Louis just shrugs and shakes her head, some sort of silent language Niall's had enough of for today.

"Bye Harry we'll see you in a few weeks," Niall's voice comes out clipped and condescending. Good.

She kind of feels bad, because talking to Harry is a bit like talking to one of Evan's actual friends but she wants Louis gone. Now.

"My friend," Evan whines, lip wobbling as Harry stands up. "Mama my frieeeeend!"

Evan throws himself back on the couch, banging his head on the cushion over and over as he cries.

"Don't cry, Harry hug him or something," Louis suggests, instead of leaving like she was asked to do.

Harry picks Evan up, the little boy peeks his eye open, still crying and notices it's Harry. He wraps his arm around his neck and lays his head on Harry's chest, Harry looks like he could cry too.

He's like twenty three.

"Okay this is all very nice but please say goodbye." Niall snaps.

"My friend mama, no!"

"Alright, give me him. You guys need to leave," Niall tries to grab Evan from Harry, Harry lets go and the boy is still clinging to him, trying to kick Niall.

"What happened? What's," Harry asks Louis, and probably Niall, she's too busy trying to avoid being kicked in the ribs to pay attention to him.

"We were just," Louis throws her arms up. "talking! And she got mad,"

"No," Niall shakes her head. "That's not what happened don't turn this around on-"

"Why is everybody yelling?" All of them, even Evan, go silent at Zayn's voice.

Niall didn't even hear him come in...

"Hi baby how was work," Niall wipes her face with her hands, trying to fix her frazzled appearance, patting down the fly always that escaped her pony tail.

Louis squeezes her eyes closed, Harry's confused pout turns to nervous lip biting.

"Good, busy but not too bad." He kisses Niall when she stands on her tip toes for a kiss.

Niall wraps an arm around Zayn's waist and stares at Louis, telepathically telling her to keep her mouth shut.

"What's going on?" Zayn asks quietly.

"Nothing." Niall shakes her head. "They were just leaving and Evan got a little upset. He doesn't want Harry to go, but now that daddy's here it shouldn't be an issue."

Zayn smiles and kisses Niall's temple once before going over to Harry and taking Evan, who is completely limp now, tantrum forgotten.

"Hey buddy, what's going on? Did mama tell you you could eat those cookies on my couch?" Zayn says it to Evan but he's looking at Niall, raising an eyebrow.

Even though Niall always cleans, usually three times a day, Zayn has rules. He doesn't like a messy house and if he comes home to one, even if Niall's in the process of cleaning it, he's going to have a pissy attitude for the rest of the night.

"I'll vacuum it in a minute, come on I'll walk you guys out." Niall says the last part to Louis.

Louis nods and waves goodbye to Evan and Zayn, Harry doing the same as they follow Niall out.

"Listen I'm-" Niall starts, luckily Louis cuts her off.

"Don't it's, we both said some shit, yeah?"

Niall nods, sighing before hugging her friend. Harry drapes his ridiculously long arms around the both of them, making it a group hug.

"The three amigos." Niall can feel Harry's grin on the top of her head. She's missed them a lot, despite how much she really wants to pinch them almost every time she sees them.

"The wolf pack." Louis agrees.

***

Later that night they're in bed, Niall's taking an online test for a class she doesn't even remember having and Zayn's just kind of. Watching. It's nerve wracking because she's pretty sure she's getting a lot of this shit wrong but. It's math. And she's not using a calculator (couldn't even if she wanted to, damn word problems) so Zayn should be impressed, really.

Zayn sighs and rests his cheek on Niall's arm below her elbow. "Are you almost done?"

"Uhhm," Niall sucks her teeth, scrolling back to the top to see how many questions there are, and how many she's already answered. "Nope."

Forty questions, sixteen answered. She's been at this for about an hour now. Cool.

Zayn groans. "Do you want me to help you? Or like. Do it for you?"

"I knew there was a reason I married you." Niall jokes (kind of), patting his head with the other hand.

Zayn snorts. "Thanks. I'm serious though, I could do it if you're having trouble."

Well, Niall wasn't aware she was having trouble. Sure she's taking a while but. She was iffy on how she was actually doing.

"Do you even know algebra?" Not that she does or anything, because apparently she doesn't.

"Uh yeah, babe. I'm an accountant?" He says it like she's supposed to already know that... maybe she is. It has been three years. "Amongst other things, but I'm mostly my dad's accountant."

Well then. Learn something new everyday, huh.

"How many answers did you see me just get wrong..." She can't go back to fix them or anything but at least she'll know what to expect when she receives the email with her grade.

Zayn sits up, licking his lips to disguise a smirk, or a laugh probably.

"Do you want me to do it?"

Niall hesitates. Obviously she wants him to do it, but at what price? "What's the catch?"

"No catch." Zayn shakes his head. He looks serious, so Niall should probably trust him. "The sooner you're done with this the sooner I can cuddle you." Zayn raises his voice like he's talking to a baby, pinching her cheek and everything. Aw.

"Aww, no seriously. You want like, a blow job or something?"

They had a quickie in their bathroom this morning at six before Zayn went to work. She couldn't fall back asleep after his alarm went off and he looked pretty lonely in the shower so. She decided to join him.

Zayn smiles softly, already taking the laptop from her. "Nah. Morning sex was great though, thought about it all day." He says quietly.

"Do you want to do it again?" Niall pushes, wondering what his ulterior motive is.

He shakes his head. "I mean, not now. I like the spontaneity of it though. Thought more about you than the sex, like."

Niall gets it, doesn't understand it really but she gets it.

"I love you." Niall feels like it's the right time to say it. Zayn's smile as he says it back tells her she wasn't wrong.

***

It's a week before thanksgiving when Zayn brings it up.

"I just think now is a good time, is all."

Niall shakes her head. "He's barely three! I still have a good year and some odd months until I'm done with school,"

It must be in his genetics to argue, considering his father's a big time lawyer, with the way Zayn appears calm but ready to debate.

"You do it mostly online anyway, and if we have another one now Evander will be close to it. I want one, maybe we'll have a girl this time."

Maybe he brought it up because he knows, maybe he's noticed she hasn't had a period for two months and she's been feeling pretty lousy the passed couple weeks. The only person who knows is her doctor, and she's already decided she's definitely not keeping this one. She just hasn't had time to schedule an appointment, and she's not sure if she can drive herself home. With the new GPS in her car she probably shouldn't even drive herself there.

"No Zayn." Niall huffs, eyes already watering.

That's right, hormones. Everything makes her cry this time around. Everything. Earlier she was on the phone with Liam and he told her he wanted fish and chips but he already ordered pizza for lunch, and she just felt so sad for him. She had to hang up before he noticed her weeping.

"I don't want anymore kids. Evan doesn't want a brother or a sister, he told me." Niall lies. Evan gets his way more than she does, she's using it to her advantage before he starts talking better.

"He'll like it when it's here." Zayn says confidently. He's not wrong, probably. Evan loves babies. "He probably didn't even say that."

Niall shrugs.

It's not like they do anything to prevent pregnancy, she's not on birth control and the thought of Zayn (or Liam) agreeing to use a condom is laughable. They both rely on pulling out, they both rarely actually pull out. It's a wonder she wasn't pregnant sooner.

"It's just something to think about, or suppose." Zayn watches Evander from his spot on the sofa thoughtfully. Evans coloring in a coloring book of zoo animals on his tummy in front of the t.v. where a ninjago movie is playing.

He looks more and more like Liam everyday, even the birthmark on his little neck is the same. That's why she can't keep this one. If it's Liam's... her marriage could be over. Then where would she go? She'd be a broke single mother of two, she'd have to drop out of school again and get another job instead of starting a career. It's not practical, or smart.

Niall sighs, moving over to lay on Zayn. He immediately cards his fingers through her hair.

"A year," she looks up at him, he smiles, already intrigued. "In a year, we can try to have another one."

Zayn taps her nose and puckers his lips to blow her a kiss instead of bending his head to give her a real one. Fucker.

"Deal." They shake on it, make it all official and what not.

Maybe it's a coincidence, maybe it's just life.

Later that night after she sends everyone a snap chat of Evan sleeping with his arm on his forehead she checks the stories. Normani's on a date, Nick's at a house party filming young men dance (with a thumbs up emoji and way too many eggplants). Then there's Louis.

First is a picture of her and Harry, holding what looks like a sonogram with excited faces. Next is a video of Harry holding her tiny pudge of a belly, giving it kisses with the caption "my baby loving our baby :)" and yeah. Niall's pissed this is how she found out they're having a baby.

Until she checks her texts. It's already read, though she doesn't remember reading it.

  **lou boo** : im pregnant !!!!!!!!!! 13 weeks !!!! :D ur an aunt

Oh. Well then.

Niall sends back an all caps "congrats!" with a bunch of kissy faces and heart eyes. In a perfect life they would live a lot closer still be a lot closer. They could be pregnant together and have their babies be best friends like they are. Were. Are? Niall doesn't know. She's happy for Louis though, her and Harry are going to be great parents.

***

Cutting Liam off never goes according to plan, but this time it's just going to have to work. They met up at a McDonald's far enough from home that Zayn will question it but hopefully won't make too much of a fuss about.

"So I think this is the last time." Niall keeps her eyes trained on the ketchup she's currently swirling a soggy fry in.

Liam leans back, sipping his water. "For what?"

Niall can hear Evan laughing in the play area, loud and happy little giggles echoing through the room. There's him and one other kid up there, so at least they're having fun. Good.

She clears her throat, feeling kind of like she's in trouble almost. Niall hates this feeling, she's an adult. "I think we should, not. See each other, anymore."

He sets his water back on the table next to his empty salad container and folds his hands. "What like you don't want to fuck anymore?" He sounds almost amused.

"That too." Niall nods.

Evan comes running towards them before liam can reply. His hairs disheveled and he's all sweaty, he looks so happy.

"Mama my friend!" He tells her, pointing at the netted tunnel. Niall nods and smiles, holding her tea out so he can take a big drink from her straw before running off to play again.

"You mean you want to stop this completely? Like cut me out of his life?" Liam asks lowly.

She nods. "At least until he's old enough to understand."

"He knows I'm his dad, what else is there to understand?"

He is his dad, biologically. And Zayn is his dad legally, but Zayn is also Niall's husband. Zayn is the one who supports them financially and who tucks Evan in at night, who tries to teach him things and show him right from wrong. Niall's decided she's got to stop being selfish and that starts with letting go of Liam and letting Zayn have the family he thinks he already has.

"Zayn is his dad, Liam. Don't make this harder than it has to be."

"We don't have to fuck or talk even but can I agree least see Evan still?" Liam sounds a little annoyed but otherwise calm. It doesn't feel right with him anymore, not like it used to.

Niall shakes her head, choosing not to tell him or anyone for that matter than Evan was a bit of a pawn, an excuse to see Liam behind Zayn's back.

"Wow." Liam drags his hand over his face. "Is there like... why? Why?"

"I'm married to Zayn, he sees Zayn everyday. It was wrong of me to even start this, bringing him around you." Niall admits, mentally patting herself on the back for not crying. Hormonal or not Liam brings out her sensitive side.

"I love him, you know." Liam says, voice steady and even. "I really do care about him, he's a great kid. I wish things were different."

In all of Liam's "in a different world" statements none of them involve him leaving his wife so Niall doesn't even ask him to elaborate.

"Me too." Niall agrees. "I'm fucking pregnant and I don't even know if it's yours or my husband's."

She tells him this on purpose, just to see his reaction, which is not as stimulating as she'd hoped for. He just raises his eyebrows, the rest of his face holds the same tired expression.

"Does he know?"

Niall shakes her head, wiping her eyes with her hands. Good thing she didn't wear makeup today.

"No, I'm not keeping it. If it's yours," Niall shakes her head, choking on a sob.

So much for not crying.

"He'll leave me, he'll be so upset and I'll be a single homeless mother of two babies by a married man."  
Liam looks down at his hands. He always gets all awkward when Niall mentions her feelings for him but like, that's why they're here isn't it? Because they love each other but can't actually be together?

"You're getting an abortion?" Liam asks quietly.

Niall nods. "Yeah, I have to."

"Because it might be mine?"

Obviously, fucking idiot. Niall nods again anyway.

Liam coughs awkwardly into his fist then clears his throat before he says anything. "There's this thing i had to do before,"

At first Niall thinks he's making an excuse to leave early, with the way he's stumbling over his own words.

"It's like, at the hospital or whatever and it's pretty pricey but um, it's like a DNA test, and-"

"Liam." Niall cuts him off because really? Evan has his big head, for fucks sake. "I can't wait for a DNA test for this one, it wouldn't even be needed, I mean," Niall gestures to Evan, who's watching his buddy slide down the slide on his belly.

"No, no it's like, while you're pregnant you can do it. I had to give a blood sample and stuff."

Niall makes a confused face, because what? What's he talking about.

"A DNA test while you're pregnant?" Niall asks doubtful.

"Yes. It's called prenatal something something, look it up. Ask your doctor about it, it's worth the money. If we do this and it's mine I'll understand if you want to abort it but just, I'd want to know. Okay?"

Niall huffs. She's trying to remain heartless and unbothered about getting this abortion but it's hard, especially when she thinks about she wanted to abort Evander.

"I don't want anymore kids period. This would be a waste of time and money, I'm already slowly taking money out so he doesn't notice."

Niall mostly uses the credit card but occasionally she'll use an atm but Zayn questions her every time. Anything more than fifty dollars at a time is suspicious, as is going to the atm two or more times a week. It's a struggle really, but she's almost got enough to pay the clinic in cash.

"What if I pay for it? Please, it's. I just need to know."

She licks her lips, debating. But let's be real here, she's not going to say no.

Evan runs back to the table again, breathless and giggling.

"Daddy my friend!" He puts his little hand on Liam's leg, pointing to where the boy is now eating with who ever he came with.

"I see you, big man." Liam lifts him onto his lap, kissing the back of his head as Evan reaches over to snatch one of his nuggets before racing off again.

"How do you know about this test?" Niall's never even heard about it...

Liam blows out a laugh, nervous and not so much amused. "I had to do it before, couple months ago."

Niall's heart is racing in her chest. "What? When,"

Liam shrugs. "A month ago, maybe two."

But Sophia... can't have-

"With Sophia?" Niall asks around the lump in her throat.

Liam shakes his head.

"Who?" Niall feels disgusted and disgusting. She could puke, probably will puke.

"Just. A girl, one time thing, probably won't happen again." Liam avoids eye contact again. Niall gets the urge to slap him, right here in the McDonald's play room.

Niall tongues the inside of her cheek, her knee bouncing uncontrollably. "Probably? Like if she wanted to you would?"

Liam shrugs. "I don't know, honestly. Probably not."  
She nods, getting a feeling she knows who it was but she desperately hopes she's wrong.

"Huh, you know Louis is pregnant? She just told me yesterday."

The look on Liam's face confirms her suspicions.

"Oh."

They're quiet for a minute, not looking at each other. Niall wants to hit him, and Louis but she hasn't got a right to. Not really.

"You wanna grab Evan? We're gonna get out of here. You can... kiss him goodbye, or whatever."

Niall doesn't wait for his answer before she starts cleaning up and grabbing their stuff. By time she orders another six piece nugget for Evan and puts their stuff in the car Liam comes out with a happy boy on his hip.

"The car daddy! Look!" Evan points at cars driving past as Liam walks him to Niall's car.

Niall's already buckled in the driver's side. She hands the extra nuggets to Evan while Liam hooks him in. She pretends not to notice Liam coming around to her side when she rolls up the window and backs out. She does however crack it a bit to yell that she'll text him about the appointment.

Other than that she doesn't have much else to say to him anyway.

***

Zayn gets home late that night, way past Evander's bedtime (eight thirty). He actually gets in about three hours later than that, didn't call or text. Didn't answer Niall's calls or texts. Is this something she's supposed to be like, mad about?

"Hey," Niall says when he walks in.

He doesn't acknowledge her, just kicks off his shoes and tosses his keys on the table.

"Are you okay?" She asks, following him down the hall to their bedroom.

Zayn goes into their bathroom and closes the door, Niall figures that's so she won't follow him in there too. So she doesn't. Twenty minutes later she's almost asleep when he comes out, all dried with pajamas on.

He gets into bed like usual and switches off his lamp and wow, okay. What's up his butt.

"So you're gone all day and when you finally come home you don't say anything?" Niall asks.

"I had a long day Niall. I'd just like to go to bed if that's alright with you." His tone is clipped and annoyed.

"What the fuck kind of a marriage is this?" Niall laughs, breathy humorless as she scoots out of bed.

"Excuse me?" Zayn rolls to his back, grabbing the pillow Niall tried to gather.

She rolls her eyes and snatches a different one. Evan has a few in his room but Niall needs extra for her back. It's been a kind of fucked up since she had Evander. She fell trying to get out of bed by herself before the epidural wore off, whoops.

"What was that?" This time Zayn pulls the little blanket back from Niall. It's the softest, flurriest one and Niall sleeps with it every night. Needless to say she snatches it away.

"Where were you all day, Zayn?" Niall says sweetly, standing at the edge of the bed with her pillows and blanket.

She doesn't know why she asked that, she doesn't even care where he was and she be pretty annoyed if he asked that, which he doesn't need to because he literally checks her GPS everyday but. It's just. She's just going to blame this on hormones.

"Is that your business?"

Niall gapes at him. "I'm your wife,"

"That entitles you to knowing my every move?"

"You know mine!"

Zayn raises his eyebrows. He probably expected Niall to back down and walk away like she always does.

"When you start financing yourself you can have a little privacy, until then I need to know what _my_  money is spent on."

Niall laughs. "Your money, your car, your house."

He makes a face, clearly not understanding her point.

"Oh I'm sorry, it's our house when you're in a good mood and yours when you're not, right?"

Zayn rolls his eyes, laying back down. "Get in this bed and shut up."

"Or what?" Niall asks, already walking towards the door. "You'll choke me?"

"Fuck off!" He yells as Niall's slamming the door.

The tv is still on in Evander's room, it's always on because he's scared of the dark. That and sometimes he'll wake up in the middle of the night and watch his shows until he falls back asleep. Niall climbs in behind him, shoving one of the pillows behind her back and another between them. As much as she loves to cuddle him she'd rather not get kicked or kneed in the stomach tonight.

Sleep doesn't come easy, or at all, rather. Sometime after three Zayn came looking for her. He called her name a couple of times but she ignored him and pretended to be sleeping, knowing Zayn wouldn't do anything to disturb Evan's sleep.

At seven Niall goes to the kitchen. Zayn's in there, already dressed and sitting at the table staring at his laptop with a mug of coffee in his hand. Niall stands behind an empty chair and stares at the table. She's tired but she can't sleep, hopefully Evan is nice to her today. Hopefully he takes a long nap too.

"Yesterday I went to work, a diner down the street from work for lunch. After work I went for dinner with Shahid and the boys, they insisted on coming here and I know Rocky makes you uncomfortable so I suggested a club, where I drank stale whiskey and avoided lap dances until I could sneak out."

Fuck.

"Oh," is all Niall can think to say.

"I'm sorry I didn't call." Zayn looks up at her. He sounds so honest and it makes her feel like such a lousy person.

"I don't care." Niall shakes her head. "That you didn't call, I mean. Or where you went."

Zayn furrows his brows, confused.

"It was just, you didn't say anything. At all. You showered and went to bed like I wasn't even there, no hello. No kiss. Nothing." She explains.

That's probably mostly what it was, she thinks. Maybe if he would have walked in and kissed her, regardless of whether he said anything or not she wouldn't have been upset. She always kisses him hello when he walks through the door, and vise versa.

"I know baby, I apologize. I was exhausted and that wasn't your fault."

Niall rolls her eyes and shuffles over to him, giving him a soft kiss on the mouth. He hums and grabs her hand when she goes to pull away, kissing her some more.

Yeah, probably all she wanted was a kiss.

Kisses from Zayn are validating, that he's not mad at her and that they are okay. She needs that every day, more or less days she sees Liam.

"Maybe now I can sleep." Niall kisses his temple, still holding his hand.

"I knew you were faking!" He bites her arm, she squeaks and hops away. It's too early for this, she's too tired. Evan wakes up usually around eight, sometimes he'll stay in bed until he's hungry which is no later than nine thirty.

On the plus side he's such a good kid that if she leaves snacks on the living room table and puts the baby gate up so he can't leave the room she can probably crash on the sofa for a bit.

"Leave me alone." Niall sighs. She bends down to kiss him again, just three more times before she pats his cheek and shuffles back to Evan's room.

He'll probably be happy to see his mama in his bed when he wakes up, if he's not already up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if there's anything you didn't understand please ask. :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> zayn.

It makes sense, Niall thinks, that this must be somebody else's baby -- Zayn's obviously. Which it is, according to the results her doctor called her with two mornings ago. She didn't so much get the medical, technical terms but he used the words "negative" and "no percent", which didn't really make sense but she got the gist of it. 

Anyway, she can feel the difference with this pregnancy. Both fetuses are like their fathers with they way they treat her. With Evan, Niall just wanted to cry, eat and cuddle and sex was awful, not to mention all the times she peed herself. Basically it made her feel like shit, just like Liam. 

This time around however, after the little while of morning sickness she feels really good. Clingy, needy, and hornier than a bitch in heat but still really good good. Sex is good too, because she's actually turned on instead of just generous and faking it. This morning for example, Zayn was over an hour late leaving for work because Niall was so into it this morning that he really didn't even care about anything else other than the way she was crying and begging. There was four huge wet spots on the sheets from her excitement by time they were done. 

Now though, she's supposed to be starting on dinner but. Evan's completely captured in his movie and kitchen set in the basement and Niall just wants to keep kissing Zayn, like they've been doing for the last twenty minutes. 

"Stop," Zayn warns, either about the hand sneaking to his butt or the way she's trying to subtly hump his thigh. 

"Mm mm." Niall grunts, trying to slurp his tongue back in her mouth whilst continuing both actions. 

"Yes." Zayn pulls away from her, kissing her forehead like that's going to make up for her blue balls. "You're going to get all worked up again, at least wait until he's sleeping." 

Evan doesn't even care. He's bopping his head to the music of the movie, watching the animals dance around with his little plastic spatula in his hand. 

Niall pouts and Zayn just raises his eyebrows. He's such a dad, so boring, all safety no risk. Boo. 

"Ugh. Well, while he's here to protect me I guess I should tell you now," 

Niall wants to, really really wants to come clean about Liam to Zayn. She's just scared, is the thing. It's not right to tell him in front of Evan though, even if that does stop him from hitting her. 

"Oh god what did you do now?" He sits up from where they were laying together on the sofa and glares down at her. She feels so in trouble. 

Not really though, because she's decided the least she could do for Zayn is give him a baby, so she's decided since the doctor is positive it's not Liam's she's going to keep it. He's a really good dad already anyway, considering this basement which was once his man cave/hang out area is now littered with toys. Literally. Toys everywhere. 

"You did it too," she hints. He gives her a confused look. 

"What? Just say it Niall." He demands. 

He's supporting himself on one hand while his other is squeezing her thigh, so she tries (successfully, barely) to peel the hand on her thigh away. She plays with his fingers for a second, twisting the plain gold wedding band before putting it over her belly. She's barely showing, only she notices the tiny bump above her belly button. Until now. 

"I'm pregnant." 

Zayn's eyes go wide, fingers curling into her skin like he's trying to hold onto her belly. 

"Seriously?" He laughs, all smiley and crinkley eyed. 

She really does not want a kid, but the reaction is worth it. Making Zayn happy is worth it. It's the least she could do. 

Besides, she felt awful every time her mind drifted towards the thought of getting rid of it. 

Zayn kisses her, she happily kisses him back. 

"How long?" He asks. His hand hasn't moved, fingers still gripping tightly. 

"Fourteen? Ish weeks." 

Zayn furrows his eyebrows, still smiling though. By the looks of it that smile isn't going away anytime soon. 

"We just talked about this, did you know then?" 

Niall shrugs. 

"This is incredible, baby. Thank you so much." 

He gives her a couple more kisses, smiling too big for any real kisses she settles for pecks for now. 

***

Niall is eighteen weeks and two days. Zayn came with her to find out the sex of the baby, once again he's insistent on it being a boy. He holds her hand, biting his lip and staring at the screen as if he's going to miss something if he blinks. 

"Umm, it's looking like we're having a girl, Mommy and Daddy. Congratulations!" The ultrasound technician flashes her huge, super white teeth. 

Niall cracks a small smile, she doesn't care what it is. Zayn's annoyed though. He lets go of her hand and sits back to cross his arms. 

Zayn mentioned he wanted a girl when he was trying to convince her to have another baby so his reaction confuses Niall. 

"Are the legs open this time, or is that another guess? Because my son was meant to be my daughter until she was like twenty something weeks in." 

Zayn's tone makes the doctors happy smile drop instantly to a nervous one. Niall's heard that voice before, they usually fight every time it comes out. 

"Oh, no, um the legs here are bent, you see," the lady points to the screen with her trembling finger. "A knee is here, and the other is here. It's an odd position for a fetus this young especially but the legs are spread. Wide open." She nods. 

Now that she's pointed out what's what Niall sees it, and snorts. The baby is like, squatting like a frog. Her kids are always so cool. 

"Can we," Niall makes sure she smiles nicely when the technician flinches at her voice too. "have some pictures of her, please?"

"Of course! Right away," she scurries out of the room and Niall reaches over to swat Zayn, he moves his knee before she can make contact. 

"I understand you're upset but it's nobodies fault it's a girl. If I would have known you were going to embarrass me I wouldn't of let you come with me." 

Zayn raises his eyebrows. "Excuse me?" 

"I'm serious Zayn." Niall mutters, grabbing some tissues next to the monitor to wipe off her belly. 

"/I'm/ embarrassing /you/? You were half a step above a stripper when I met you, don't act booshie now bitch." 

Huh? 

Niall's shocked to say the least, mouth open as wide as her eyes, gawking in disbelief at Zayn. The bitch part she understands but she was not a stripper... and she isn't booshie? 

"I embarrass you? You're a walking embarrassment to my name." Zayn continues, unbothered when the lady walks back in. 

She must feel the tension in the air because she sets the sonogram pictures on Niall's lap and scurries back out. 

"What the fuck?" Niall's beyond confused where this is coming from... she's giving him a baby? His own blood is in her womb and he's... He's really saying all of this? In a doctors office on top of that, where people can hear them through the walls. 

Niall's going to have to switch doctors. 

"All the shit I do for you and you have the nerve to say I'm embarrassing you," Zayn stands up, throwing his hands in the air. "Let's go! Unless you wanna walk home."

Niall's still... dumbfounded. And she wants to bite back, to say fuck it she will walk just to make him look even worse when he drives away without her, because he will. But her son is at the house with Doniya, playing with Leila and Niall wants to get to him before Zayn does. 

Zayn makes her nervous about Evander, because yeah he is the boys dad but Evan is Niall's baby. Not Liam's not Zayn's, Niall's. 

When they get to the car Niall opens the door for the backseat, closing it with a sigh when Zayn licks his teeth at her. 

"What is your problem?" She asks, buckling herself in. 

He doesn't bother with his safety belt, just speeds off with the wheels screeching. Niall types out message to Doniya, telling her they are on their way. She always offers to babysit but it feels like she rushes them to come back, probably right after she's done snooping. 

"You. Don't talk." Zayn snaps. 

"Is this because it's a girl?" Bit dramatic, but it's Zayn. Zayn's got a temper on him, Niall hopes it's not genetics or she'll have a head of grey hairs by time she's thirty. 

"Amongst other things." Zayn's speeding, well over twice the limit, dodging cars by switching lanes. 

There's a fluttering in her belly, she pats it like she's telling it it's okay. That doesn't go unnoticed by Zayn. 

"What are you hungry? If you puke in my car you'll regret it." 

Niall doesn't answer him, instead looking out the window. Choosing to remain silent for the rest of the ride. She's angry when she feels hot tears rolling down her cheeks. She just. She doesn't even want to be pregnant, and every time she gets pregnant (or stays pregnant, more like) for Zayn he's mean about it. 

"Why the fuck are you crying now?" Zayn pinches the bridge of his nose. They're stopped at a red light. "Huh?" He nudges her when she doesn't answer. 

"Because you're a fucking prick!" Niall sobs.

"Excuse me?" Zayn's eyebrows furrow in an angry line. 

"I feel like a fucking prisoner!" She's full on crying now, tears streaming down her face, body shaking with sobs. 

She does feel like a prisoner, that's true. 

"I didn't want this life!" Niall confesses. 

The life she pictured at this point in her life when she moved to America was honestly probably just dating a rich guy and partying five to six days a week. Like Tony Montana's wife. 

"What the-" Zayn starts, Niall's so angry and upset that she quickly cuts him off. 

"You're so fucking mean to me! You treat me like a maid and a place to put your dick, I just want to go home." 

"That's what a fucking wife is, Niall." He bites back. "Are you really sitting here in my car, being disrespectful to me right now?"

There he goes again, acting like her dad. 

"Huh? You wanna watch your tone, before you piss me off even more." 

Niall wipes her face on the inside of her shirt, black makeup seeping through the front and she couldn't care less right now that it's probably ruined. 

"I should of listened to my mom when she told me to go back to Mullingar." She shakes her head. 

She's fucked, and she's tired of it. Tired of trying and not being good enough, for Liam or Zayn. She should have cut them both off a long time ago. 

"You regret marrying me? Is that what you're saying?" 

"No!" She's so frustrated! 

"If you didn't want to marry me then why did you?" He pushes. 

Niall squeezes her head. "I didn't say that!" She sobs. 

"Pretty much, you just did." 

"Do you regret it?" Niall looks at him. She's on the brink of a panic attack. "I kept the baby for you and you don't even care, oh my god," 

"What do you mean you kept it? You were going to... not, keep it?" His voice is still the same little douchy tone, but it's got a bit less bite to it now. Niall one hundred percent doesn't understand. 

Niall huffs. She's saved from answering when he pulls in their driveway. He says something she completely misses when she rushes out of the car and into the house. 

Of course. Just. Of course the living room is a complete mess. Toys and cookies (that aren't even for Evan, they're Niall's who occasionally shares with Zayn when he's high) litter the carpet. Evan and Leila are sitting in the middle of the mess, Leila drawing on Evan's naked chest. Where the fuck is Doniya. 

"No! No," Niall snatches the pen from the the little brat and picks up Evan.

"My friend made a art mama!" The little boy points to his tummy. 

Doniya is in the kitchen, cooking something that smells so good Niall's nipples harden. 

"Oh hey!" Zayn's sister greats. "Hope you don't mind, I'm making soup." 

Niall shakes her head. Zayn walks in with a pouting Leila on his hip. 

"There are sippy cups on my eight thousand dollar sectional." He says. 

First of all. Why is he a dad if he's so bothered by children's things in his house? Second... that's the same piece of furniture Niall almost- and then did, pee on. So... really? 

Doniya snorts. "Your what, darling?" 

"His couch." Niall mutters, walking towards the sink. She sets Evan on the counter (another thing Zayn doesn't like) and grabs a clean rag out of the drawer to clean him up with. 

"Welcome to parenthood, little brother." 

Niall smiles a little. Doniya still doesn't like her but she doesn't not like her either. There's a difference. Her and Niall are a lot alike, except Doniya is a bit more classy. But their personalities and opinions are quite similar. 

"We have structure in this household." 

Niall sighs. "We live here but we're still treated like guests." She refers to herself and Evan. 

Other than the basement and Evan's room, Evans things aren't allowed to be out. Even his highchair has to be put in the supply closet when it's not being used. Little things like that Niall doesn't notice until she's already mad. 

"Don't start." Zayn warns. "We have guests, you know better than that." 

"What are we having?" Doniya changes the subject, stirring the soup Niall wants to roll around in. "A brother or a sister?" 

Niall drags out the highchair, setting Evan in it as Doniya scoops him a bowl of the soup, carefully adding more noodles than broth to it. 

"A sister." Niall tells her when Zayn says nothing. 

Leila glares at Niall from her uncles arms. She's not even four years old and she already hates Niall, must be a Malik thing. Doniya makes a sound that confuses Niall, Zayn already speaking before she can question it. 

"I'm taking care of it, alright?" 

Taking care of what? The baby? First of all yeah right but second why wouldn't he? Niall just wants a nap. 

***

"Are you coming to bed?" Zayn asks some hours later, well after Evan's had his bath and got tucked in. 

Honestly, Niall's content to sleep on the sofa until Zayn apologizes. His attitude today was so unnecessary and her feelings are hurt. 

"No." Niall raises the volume on the television with the remote.

She's already curled up with her favorite blanket and pillows, when Zayn goes away she's going to get her snacks and watch reality tv until she passes out. 

"Why?" He's standing at the opposite end of the sectional, staring at her with his hands in the pockets of his plaid pajama pockets looking all too relaxed. 

He obviously just smoked then, without her, as usual since she told him about the baby inside of her that apparently nobody wants. Zayn sighs and walks around to sit by her feet. 

"You know how I feel about waking up alone, Niall." 

He's trying to use sympathy instead of apologizing or even explaining why he said the things he said. It's passed eleven and Niall's been up since seven thirty with Evan because he had a bad dream. She's tired and her back is extra sore from all of the extra cleaning she had to do today. She just wants to sleep- would like to soak in a the bath too but she'll probably fall asleep in there anyway. 

"Probably better than waking up next to a booshie stripper, I reckon." Niall mutters, sleepy eyes focused the stupid people who get a paycheck from mtv to get drunk. Niall should have signed up for mtv. 

Zayn groans and scoots up to lay next to her. He always has to be touching her in some way when he's sleeping, definitely a cuddle no matter how much he denies it. He doesn't deserve cuddles today though. Niall doesn't want to be around him, hence why she's sleeping on the sofa. 

He lays his head on her shoulder and wraps his arm around her middle. 

"Are you really going to make me sleep out here?" He whispers. 

"Go sleep in the room. I'm out here to be away from you." 

"Why?" Zayn spreads his palm over her belly, tickling the bump with his finger tips. Oh so he doesn't want it but has no problem fondling it, noted. 

Niall pushes his hand away. 

"Because you're a prick." She tells him for the second time today. 

Niall just. She thinks she's going to call her mom, go home finally. She's so alone here, everybody she thought she could trust she clearly can't. Leaving Zayn is scary though, because he's scary when he's mad but also because she doesn't know anything about split custody and his name is on Evan's birth certificate. That means Zayn has a legal right to be in Evan's life until Evan is an adult, and that's also scary. 

"I didn't mean it, alright? You're not a stripper." His voice is amused.

Niall sits up, turns the television off and takes her blanket. If Zayn's going to bother her she might as well sleep in the comfortable bed. Zayn follows her in, watching as she arranges her pillows the way she likes. 

"Stop being mad." He says. Niall snorts. 

"I didn't want this, you know?" She tells him. 

"What? Like, us? You and me," 

"No." Niall shakes her head. "Any of it." 

She lays back on the bed, rubbing her eyes with her palms. Zayn stays at the edge, staring at her. 

"Why the fuck did you marry me then, if you didn't want me?" Now he's mad too. 

Niall vaguely wonders if he'll hit her while she's pregnant? He choked her when she was with Evan. He doesn't even want this kid, so he probably will. Niall's too numb to care. 

"I wanted to date you, not marry you and have a million kids that you don't want before I'm thirty." 

"I wanted Evan." Zayn reminds her. That's true, Niall honestly believes Zayn's always wanted Evan, even when he found out he was Liam's he still wanted him. 

"You wanted this one too until you found out its a girl." Niall props herself up on her elbow to look at him. "You said, when you were asking me to have another baby you said 'maybe it'll be a girl this time', so?"

Zayn licks his lips, shifting on his feet. "I was persuading you, alright? I just. I need a boy, and it's not your fault it's a girl but."

Niall stares blankly at him. "You have a boy, why do you need a boy?" 

"Ugh." Zayn palms his forehead. He's topless and while Niall had acknowledged that yes he looks good, no she does not care. That alone should show how irritated she is. 

"And why don't we have sex anymore?" Niall asks a more relevant question. 

"I fucked you last night?" Zayn looks at her like she's stupid. 

"Because I initiated it." Niall points out. "I always have to initiate it or it doesn't happen, you hardly even kiss me anymore." 

They used to just lay around and watch tv then start making out for no reason, of course it always lead to sex but it was still nice to just kiss. Be intimate and what not. Now everything is so... boring. Sure he spoons her every night but every time she tries to put her butt on his crotch he scoots back. Niall needs attention, especially since she's cut Liam off. 

"Okay, I'll try to fuck you more if that will get you stop being mad,"

Niall purposely scoots all the way to her side of the bed and builds a pillow wall behind her when Zayn climbs in. Just wanting to end this conversation, and the only way to do that is by going to bed. 

Needless to say Zayn moves the pillows, wraps his arm around her middle and kisses her ear. 

"I love you." 

"Okay." 

Zayn snorts, then he falls asleep. 

***

Niall's in the kitchen making Evan pancakes and eggs, and Zayn eggs and toast since he's apparently already late for work anyway. His coffee is already on the table when he comes in, kissing Evan on the head before he sits down. 

Two days was apparently all it took for him to forget about kissing Niall in the morning. 

"Sugar?" Zayn asks, firing up his laptop. He's still dressed in his pajamas, plus a shirt and his glasses. Maybe he's staying home today?"

"Two scoops." Niall tells him, cutting Evan's pancakes by the counter.

"Mama the eggs too," Evan reminds her. He likes scrambled eggs very much!

"I didn't make them yet, eat these first I'll make them with daddy's okay?" Niall sets Evan's plate and plastic spoon in front of him at the table. 

He's matured enough for a booster seat, no more high chair.

"I meant from you," Zayn puckers his lips up at her. 

"Awww," Niall coos, cupping his jaw to give him a nice wet kiss. "No work today?" 

"Ooo work today daddy?" Evan repeats, cocking his little head to the side as he chews a bite of pancake. 

"Nope, mama's got a doctors appointment." He says to both of them. 

Huh? No, she doesn't have any appointments for another two weeks,

"I don't have an appointment today," Niall furrows her brows as she cracks the eggs into a bowl. 

"Yes you do. I made you one." 

"For what?" She stares at him while she whisks. She would make him bacon too but the smells been making her nauseous. 

"Another ultrasound." 

Oh god. Niall rolls her eyes and finishes making breakfast. 

They drop Evan off at Doniya's with a change of clothes in his back pack. Niall thought it was unnecessary but Zayn insisted he might need them, so. 

Zayn drives for what feels like forever until he's pulling into a parking lot for a huge, fancy building. Well. It's all windows, that's what Niall considers fancy. 

"This isn't my doctor..." 

She know they're a little out if their way from having to go to Doniya's but she has absolutely no idea where they are and she hasn't even been paying attention where they were going. 

"No, it isn't. This is a more competent doctor." Zayn tells her, getting out of the car. 

They're both in all black, except her shirt is split in the sides and has a picture of Minnie mouse on the front. She looks cute, Zayn looks all sexy. Even their boots match. Niall was pretty excited about that, despite them looking like they're going to a funeral. 

"Competent for what? An ultrasound?" Niall snorts.   
"Amongst other things." 

Once they're in the building Niall walks up the front desk, Zayn right behind her. She's about to ask for the papers to check in when Zayn speaks up first. 

"Malik." Is all he says. 

Niall whips her head around, looking at him in confusion. 

"Of course, Mr. and Mrs. Malik! Your room is ready for you." The (very pretty) receptionist greets, all smiley and nice. 

Zayn takes her hand and walks down a hall, like he knows the place already. 

"Have you been here before?" 

It's obviously a hospital, there were wheel chairs and doctor portraits on the walls but. She's confused. 

"Once or twice." 

They take an elevator up to the seventh floor, their room is nice but it's almost like a hotel? It's set up like a delivery room, with a television and a place for Zayn to sleep. Niall looks at him with her cocked to the side in confusion. 

"What's," 

"It's our room. Put the gown on, the doctor will be in a few minutes." 

Zayn sits on the sofa (there is also a bed) and scrolls through his phone, Niall just stares at him. 

"I have to get naked for an ultrasound?" 

This doesn't... this just seems so weird to Niall? What is this? 

Zayn shrugs. "You can stay in your clothes if that's what you want." 

She goes to sit by him rather than the hospital bed. This place is new and she's a little queasy. 

"This place is really nice, you didn't have to take us so far though," Niall hugs his arm, resting her forehead on his shoulder. He kisses the top of her head. 

"I want the best for you, things aren't always going to be easy so please remember that." 

Niall raises her head for a real kiss, getting only one before they're interpreted by the door opening. She tries her best not to pout. 

"Hello, nice to see you again Zayn, Niall I am Dr. Chabaan or you can call me Yousif, which ever you prefer." The smiling man sanitizes his hands while he talks.

Niall slowly walks to the bed, a more confident when Dr. Chabaan nods for her to lay down. 

"So let's see how baby is doing," Dr. Chabaan sets up his computer next to her bed. "and mom, if you could just lift up your shirt for me," 

Niall lifts both her shirt and tank top, feeling much better when Zayn sits in the chair on the other side of the bed and holds her hand. She's still confused why they're here though, what is he expecting? The baby is a girl. 

"How's mom feeling?" Doctor Chabaan asks, squirting her belly. 

"Good, everything is fine so far." Niall nods. 

"Excellent." The finds the baby right away, her legs spread wide and her hands folded under her cheeks. "So we're having a girl," 

The doctor glances at Zayn, appearing to be having a silent conversation with him. 

All Niall sees before the doctor starts talking again is Zayn nod once. 

"This isn't looking right, Mrs. Malik. The child's head isn't forming, we need to operate now." Dr. Chabaan is already rushing to the phone as Niall's panicking, pointing at the monitor. 

"Her head is right there, she's fine!" Niall shakes her head. "Zayn, her head is right there!" 

"Mrs. Malik I know this is stressful but we're going to need you calm down. We have to do immediate surgery, everything will be explained to your husband and you once you come to." 

Nurses wheel in another bed, Niall takes one look at the straps and runs behind Zayn. 

"No! I don't need a surgery her head is right there, Zayn!" Niall pleads, tears soaking her cheeks. 

What do they mean surgery? They can't just operate on her without giving her a reason! 

"Listen to the doctors, Niall. I'm right here," Zayn cradles her head to his chest, arm wrapped tightly around her shoulders. 

"She's gonna need the shot." Zayn confirms. 

Niall thrashes, trying to push him away but he's too strong. She feels a pinch in her arm and seconds later everything is black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> great medical vocabulary autumn you must be a real doctor!!!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When reading this, try to think lifetime movie meets twisted pictures (kind of, more lifetime movie tho) aka expect fucked up shit and stupid logic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so tired hopefully I'll have time to edit this tomorrow:)

Niall moans in pain, the discomfort in her abdomen waking her up. Before her eyes even open her hand clutches her stomach, it's squishy and sore. She blinks her eyes open, taking in her surroundings. She feels so... groggy, and achy. The room is similar to one the Zayn brought her to earlier. Speaking of Zayn... 

"Oh, you're up." He sets his laptop on the table and pulls a chair up next to her bed. 

How long was she out? All she remembers is the ultrasound, and something about surgery? Oh god, the baby...

"Is she okay?" Niall croaks. Her throat is so dry. 

Zayn hands her a styrofoam cup with a straw. 

"It's water." He holds the straw to her lips. Hesitantly she sucks. 

"The baby didn't make it, but luckily you did." 

Niall chokes, pulling away from the drink coughing. "She died?" 

Her head was fine, Dr. Higgins assured her the baby was healthy, how could this happen?

Zayn nods. "They did a DNA test once she was out, it wasn't mine." He tells her. 

Niall's too... not in her right mind to comprehend what's going on. She's so confused, disoriented. 

"Things could have went quite a bit different, the other day." Zayn continues. "You could have died too, right there on the table. But then I thought," he taps his fingers against his temple. "If I let them kill you, where does Evan stand?" 

Niall can barely keep her eyes open, she's in so much pain, everywhere. How long has she been here? Where is Evan? She's scared and hurt and so, so sleepy. 

"Because, despite him being a nuisance I actually love the kid, so I spared you. I spared you," he grabs her hand, holding it tight.

His skin feels so warm, only then does she notice how cold she is. Her toes especially. 

"And because I did, you are going to give me a boy."   
Niall can't keep her eyes open anymore. Whether she falls asleep or passes out, she doesn't remember.

***

"How long have you been fucking Liam?" Zayn asks casually after dinner while Niall's rinsing dishes. 

A plate slips from her fingers and cracks in half. Great. 

She's been home from the hospital for two days, apparently she was in there for three. She's still in quite a bit of pain, and though Zayn would never admit it (not that she'd ask) she's fairly certain he had an abortion set up. There's no other explanation, the baby was perfectly fine. 

"What?" Niall pretends she didn't hear him as she carefully cleans the glass out of the sink. 

"Don't play dumb, Niall. I went through your phone, and your phone record's, so don't bother lying." 

Is this why he killed their baby? /Her/ baby. 

At least she still has Evan, her sweet little boy. He was so happy to see his Mama yesterday.

"Zayn I-" Niall shakes her head.

She's too weak for this conversation right now, everything hurts. She's kind of depressed. Zayn hasn't been to work yet but as soon as he's out of her hair for a solid amount of time Niall's going to email her mother. Phone calls or texts probably aren't safe anymore. She has to get away from Zayn. 

"She was his, you know?" Zayn's fingertips tap against the table. 

That's. That's impossible? Her doctor, he tested them, that's. That's not... there's no way. 

"No." Niall shakes her head. There's no use denying it, if he already knows everything. "We got a DNA test, a prenatal DNA test before I told you." 

"Well it was wrong, because the kid wasn't mine. Maybe it wasn't Liam's either though, since apparently you're a whore." 

Niall closes her eyes, leaning back against the sink. She needs answers about what happened to her kid, Zayn's mind games aren't fair.

"You had Evan call him dad." Zayn purses his lips to the side of his mouth. 

"I'm sorry, I ended things with him though. I swear."   
He's been through her phone, he's seen everything. She isn't lying, she hasn't contacted Liam since she texted him the results, which were apparently wrong. 

"Evan, buddy come here for a sec." Zayn calls. Immediately little feet can be heard running through the house. 

"Zayn no, leave him out of this please," Niall pleads.   
It's pointless. 

Evan stops in front of Zayn, all red faced and panting. "What daddy I watching something!" The little boy rushes. 

Zayn shows Evan something on his phone, Niall can't see what though. 

"Who is this, buddy?" 

"Daddy." Evan nods. He turns to Niall, "We go see daddy?" 

Niall let's out a shaky breath, tears already spilling down her cheeks. 

"Daddy's right there, baby." Niall gestures to Zayn. 

"No my daddy, I want my daddy mama," Evan pouts. 

Fuck. Fuckfuckfuck. Niall never wanted any of this to happen. She's a shit person, she just wants to die. 

"Well, Evan, if he's your daddy who am I?" Zayn juts out his bottom lip. He's manipulating her child. Is that considered manipulation? Niall doesn't like any of this. 

"You daddy!" Evan points, excited. In his mind he has two daddy's and they are both lots of fun. He doesn't know what an awful person his mother is, just that he really loves her and his two dad's. 

"This," Zayn shows Evan the picture of Liam again. "This is /Not/ daddy, okay buddy? It makes daddy feel sad when you call him daddy, alright?"

Evan coos and tries to hug Zayn, puckering his lips to kiss him so he won't feel sad anymore. Niall can't stop crying for the poor boy. He deserves better. Better than her. 

"Go play Evan, you don't wanna miss your show, do you?" Niall suggests. 

Evan looks at Zayn, giving him one more big hug before running back to the living room. 

"So you still have feelings for him? What am I? Financial support?" Zayn walks towards her with his hands in his pockets. 

Niall closes her eyes. She doesn't want to be here. 

"No," she lies, maybe? She did have feelings for Liam still, but they're gone and replaced with disgust ever since he possibly fucked Louis. And she does love Zayn. It's just hard to be happy with someone who treats you like an unwanted step child. 

"I-I do love you, Zayn I just." She pauses, opening her eyes to see he's right in front of her, eyebrows raised. "I don't know." 

"Come on, you can do better than that." He challenges. 

She shakes her head again, wiping away some of the tears with the sleeve of her sweater.

"I'm so unhappy here." She confesses, face in her hands. "I love being a mom but," 

But she's so bored of being a housewife. She's bored with sitting in the house, cleaning everyday. The last at least ten times she's gone shopping was grocery shopping. She doesn't see her friends anymore, not that she has any anymore. They don't do anything, ever. They only ever have sex in their room, late at night on their bed. 

She's bored. 

"I don't make you happy, anymore?" 

"You're honestly asking me that right now?" Niall sobs. Of course she isn't happy. "You just tricked me into having an abortion!" 

"For yet another kid that wasn't mine." Zayn's voice is calm but stern. "I love you, Niall but I will not let you continue to embarrass me." 

"How long have you known?" She asks, voice quiet as a whisper. 

Zayn ignores her question. "Do you even love me?" 

/Think about Evan,/ Niall tells herself. 

"Yes." 

"In love, or that bull shit about loving someone as a person?" 

"I'm here, aren't I?" She says in lieu of an actual answer. "I put up with you hitting me when you feel like it, no privacy, no freedom." 

Zayn tongues his cheek, seemingly more agitated now. "When you had 'freedom' look how you used it. Even with the GPS on your car you still found a way to make sure you had your precious Liam time. Why should I stay with you Niall? Tell me one reason why I shouldn't divorce you right now." 

Niall bites her lip to stop a sob, which wasn't a good idea because is caused a clenching in her very sore abdomen. The abdomen that should be home to a little baby, a little baby who he ripped out of the world before it even had a chance and he's really asking her this? Asking her to... beg him to stay with her? She's so hurt, everything hurts. 

"I don't know Zayn." Niall squeezes her eyes closed, gripping the counter with one hand and applying pressure to her stomach with the other. 

The truth is she's weak. That much is obvious. Even if she did call her mother and get the plane tickets for her and Evan, they wouldn't make it passed the airport before Niall turns back around. She does love Zayn, despite what it looks like. She just doesn't want to, she doesn't trust him anymore. 

"You don't know? I told you years ago Niall that it would break my heart for you to go back to him, days before you gave birth I specifically asked you if he'd be involved. My heart is broken and all you can say is you don't know?" 

"I'm sorry." Niall says, truthfully. She's so, so sorry. "I'm sorry Evan's not yours, I'm sorry I fucked Liam, I'm just so sorry and I can't do this right now Zayn." Niall hides her face in her hands, ashamed and disgusted with herself. 

"Do you love him?" Zayn asks, voice blank and emotionless. 

Niall shakes her head, no. She doesn't love Liam anymore. Can't see how she ever did.

"I think you do. You did before, and you went back to him after everything I've done for you." 

Niall chokes on a sob. She's so... tired.

"Do you want to be with me? If you're not happy with me you need to tell me."

She has told him, multiple times. She's bored, she feels trapped, no freedom. 

"Is that why you did this?" Niall's voice is raw and scratchy, poking her own stomach. "To get back me?" 

"What?" Zayn spits, outraged. Or guilty, Niall suspects. "You cheated on me Niall, practically the entire time we've been married!" 

"Call it even?" She tries. Zayn is not amused. 

Niall isn't even surprised when he lunges at her and wraps his hand around her throat. 

"You stupid fucking-"

"Mama I want pizza." 

Zayn yanks his arm away from her, both parents school their expressions for the pouty, hungry toddler. 

***

Niall and Evan fall asleep watching movies in the recliner in the basement. After she made them little pizzas and gave Evan a bath she just wanted to be around him, so she didn't put him to bed. She's pretty emotional about the baby, even though she didn't want it until it was gone. Evan helps with that though, he's a good best friend. 

Niall wakes up to Zayn taking Evan's sleeping body off of her, careful not to wake him up. The cable box says it's after eleven. 

"Come upstairs please, or I'll carry you up too." Zayn warns. 

Part of Niall wants to call his bluff, see if he'll actually carry her up but the other part just wants to sleep, and mostly not argue with him anymore. So she follows him up, and passes him to the bed room while he puts Evan in his own bed. 

When Zayn comes in he lays behind her, as expected. 

"We're moving, and if you want to try to work this out with me you won't fight me about it."

Niall blinks, still a little sleep disoriented. "Where?"

"California probably."

All the way across the country. That actually doesn't sound bad. Niall pats around, looking for Zayn's hand, lacing their fingers together when she finds it. 

"What do I do about school?" She doesn't really give a shit about school right now, but seeing as Zayn's already paid for most of it it would be a waste to just quit again. 

"We'll figure that out later. For now you need to focus on fixing us." 

Niall nods. She really doesn't know what she wants, and she does know she's not happy but the thought of divorcing Zayn only sounds good when she's in trouble. In reality Zayn raising Evan is what's best for Evan, he can give him a lot more than Niall could by herself. And let's be honest here, Niall would miss him. She's clingy even if she won't admit it and he doesn't complain about it. He's been good to her, despite you know, the abortion thing. 

"When?" 

Zayn does something with his phone, probably setting alarm before setting it on the shelf of the headboard. "Before next month." 

Niall nods again. Her hearts racing when she hesitantly asks: "Can I ask you something,"

Zayn hums. "Sure." 

"Why," Niall shifts closer to him, looking up at him. "Why don't you want a girl? How come it has to be a boy?" 

He huffs through his nose, licking his bottom lip into his mouth like he's agitated with the question. 

A boy and a girl, a big brother for a little sister is what every parent wants isn't it? Niall would be lying if she said she wasn't a little excited, especially when she was looking at the clothes online. Girl outfits are a lot more fun than boys outfits. 

"It's complicated Niall, nothing you should worry yourself with." He strokes her cheek with the backs of his fingers, soothing and careful. "You give me a boy, that is biologically mine, and we can have all the girls you want. But I need a boy first." 

That's the thing, Niall doesn't get why it's so crucial to have a boy first. There are a lot of things Niall doesn't understand about Zayn though. 

"Okay, a boy then." Niall promises. Zayn smiles and kisses her. 

***

There isn't much to do for the move. They have movers who pack and move everything, so all Niall really has to do is pack their stuff for the few days they'll be at a hotel while their new house is being set up. 

"So like, what are you going to do for work when we move?" Niall asks, folding Zayn's night shirts so they won't wrinkle. 

He's just going to sleep in them but he'll still complain if it's wrinkled. 

"When we have our boy we won't have to worry about that." Zayn answers absent mindedly, typing on his laptop. Evan is napping in their bed on what's supposed to be Niall's side. 

Niall snorts. "Why? Because he's going to work?"

Zayn grins, shrugging. "We'll be alright, don't worry about it." 

Physically, Niall is healed from the abortion. Mentally, she misses being pregnant. She wants her baby back, feels sad she couldn't protect her. Her doctor, who was as confused as she was when she explained why she isn't pregnant anymore, said she's healed up nicely though. She can have sex as long as she's comfortable and after her next period she can try to get pregnant again. Which surprisingly, she does want to try again. 

She's scared though. What if it's a girl? It'll definitely be Zayn's but that won't matter if it's a girl. Niall can't handle another loss. 

Evan 's still knocked out, so Niall walks over to Zayn in what's supposed to be a sexy way, swaying her hips as she goes. She moves his laptop, ignoring the scowl she receives as she straddles him. 

They haven't had sex since before the- the thing. It all felt off since he knew about Liam, anyway. But Niall's all... frustrated. Her fingers are only temporarily satisfying. 

"Our son is in the bed," Zayn reminds her, recognizing the look on her face. 

Or probably the way she grinds herself against him a little. 

"Let's go in the bathroom then," Niall licks his neck, running her fingers through the short length of his hair. 

Zayn smacks her ass, Niall swears she sees stars. 

"You fuck Liam like this?" His voice is husky, not angry but Niall stills anyway.

"Fuck you like this," She tries, reaching a hand between them to pet his cock through his sweats. 

Zayn squeezes the same butt cheek he just swatted. "Show me how you fucked him."

/which time?/ she almost asks, instead, she's going to have a bit of fun with this. 

"Bathroom." 

Niall climbs off of him and doesn't bother checking to see if he's following, she can feel his eyes on her ass anyway. Zayn closes the bathroom door behind him, Evan is really good about knocking but the television in their room is still on, and Niall's tablet is next to him on the bed so he should be occupied for a while if he wakes up. 

Zayn pulls her to him with a hand pressed to her lower back, Niall's hand on his face as they lick into each other's mouths. 

"Did you suck his cock?" Zayn breathes. 

Of course Niall's sucked Liam's prick, but he's given her more head than she's given him, so Niall shakes her head no. Not this time. 

Niall slides her tank top down enough to show only her breasts, still a little insecure about her belly and pulls her shorts down, Zayn's shirt is already off. 

"He licked your pussy?" He asks, a little hint of disbelief in his tone. 

If only he knew, Liam went at her like she was his last meal. 

"Yeah," Niall kisses him again, leading them to the counter. She hops up and spreads her legs, reconnecting their lips. 

Zayn doesn't give head, he's kissed her clit before but that's as far as he's gone. Niall won't be surprised (or disappointed) if he skips oral and just fucks her already. 

The tips of his fingers trail from her hole to her clitoris, it's more teasing than anything considering the lack of pressure but it's nice. Niall works on sucking a love bite on his neck, he never lets her do it but he isn't stopping her this time. 

"Did you come? On his tongue," his now wet fingers trace over her nipple, pinching it a little. 

"Yeah," Niall nods, licking over the bruise. It's little and dark, it looks so good on his skin. 

Zayn shoves two fingers in her, both of them moan. She's tight, and really wet. Niall bites his neck, under the first love bite when he starts thrusting his fingers in and out, curling them. 

"And then he fucked you?" 

Niall nods, letting out little pathetic cries from the stimulation. Having someone else touch you is so much better than touching yourself. 

"How?" 

"From the back," Niall's favorite position. "I laid-" this thumb unexpectedly presses on her clit, making her gasp. "Oh fuck, on my belly," 

His thumb moves in circles, she's already close. "Did you come again?" 

Niall shakes her head. 

"Where did he come?" 

She doesn't see how he's getting off on this, knowing what she did when she cheated on him but he is, his prick is poking her thigh through his boxers and he's rock hard. Zayn already knows Liam got her pregnant, there's no use lying now. 

"In me, on my ass and in me," 

Zayn sighs, slipping his tongue in her mouth as she comes, shaking. She bucks her hips against his hand and breathes shaky whimpers into his mouth. 

"Love you," Niall reminds him. She's clingy today, always clingy after an orgasm though but not all men are comfortable with that. This is her husband, she has a hard time remembering things like this are okay to do with him. 

Zayn puts their foreheads together, squeezing hiss eyes closed. "Did you say that to him, too?" 

He sounds... almost desperate. Niall's heart feels fifty pounds heavier. 

"No." She lies. "Only you,"

His eyes open, gold staring straight into bright blue. "Okay." He nods. "Alright," 

He doesn't flip her over, just fucks her like that, right there on the counter, clinging to each other like their life depends on it. 

Later on they're laying on the sofa while Evan sings along to the t.v., playing with his toys before bed time. Zayn's on his back and Niall's got her head on his stomach. 

"I'm sorry, you know." She says, quiet. 

Zayn hums, putting his hand on her head to massage her scalp with his fingertips. 

"I'm just," she huffs. Zayn's patient, waiting to hear what she has to say. 

That's the thing about him, he isn't jealous he's just... possessive? In a way that he doesn't seem to care that Niall cheated on him, simply because he's preventing her from cheating again. Maybe a better word is territorial, either way Niall feels bad. 

Just a few weeks ago everything felt perfect, and it isn't but it will be.

"I don't think I'm used to loving someone who really loves me back, you know? So thank you, for, you know. Loving me, and not giving up on me." 

She can't say she would do the same if she were in his shoes. 

Zayn hums. "If it were just you, and we weren't married and living together, maybe I would have broke it off and tried to move on." Zayn confesses. Niall's heart races. 

"But, that's not the case. I think you're worth the second chance. Please don't prove me wrong." 

Niall stares at the rings on her finger. She won't, she promises him and herself. She won't.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always feel free to ask about anything you don't understand!!!


	5. Chapter 5

Apparently dodging every single call, text, and snap for weeks didn't make the message clear to Louis that Niall is no longer her friend. Zayn's out with his friends for a while, to say goodbye and what not before the big move so Niall is home alone, since Evan's staying at Doniya's to play with Leila. 

Niall's bored when she gets the call, so that's her excuse for answering. 

"Oi bitch! About time you answered, need your pregnant arse to help me own pregnant arse with the damn baby shower." Louis rambles. 

Niall takes a long drink of this weird root-beer beer Zayn bought. It's actually not bad. 

"And why am I learning from Facebook that you're moving? That's a joke, right?" 

"Nope, not a joke." Niall's been walking around the house for forever. It's so big, and super lonely without Evan. No giggles echoing off the walls, no singing from down the hall. 

God life before Evan was probably so awful, Niall can't even imagine what she thought was fun before he came along. 

"But you're supposed to be the aunt, the god mother," Louis' pout evident in her tone. 

"I'm not having anything to do with that baby." Niall tells her. 

Niall unfollowed Louis on Facebook so she doesn't see any of her statuses but Niall thinks Louis is having a girl and honestly it makes her sick to think about. It's not fair. 

"Yeah because you're moving away, you can come stay with us whenever you want to see her though and-" 

"I know you fucked Liam." Niall's sick of her going on and on like nothing happened. She was a good friend to Louis, a better friend than Louis deserved, the selfish bitch. Not to mention Louis has only made an effort to see Evan a handful of times. 

Louis sighs. "You were on speaker, so thanks for that." She has the nerve to snap. 

"You're welcome." Niall shrugs. "Oh, by the way Lou, those tests are inaccurate. Liam got me one too and it was wrong." 

"What the fuck are you implying Niall-" 

"Have a nice life, Louis." Niall can't help how smug she feels when she hangs up, she even treats herself to another beer. 

*

Niall's in the middle of her second game of golf on Zayn's Xbox when the door bell rings. Odd, as it's after ten and she doesn't remember ordering anything? 

"Harry?" Niall raises her eyebrows at the boy. He looks all pathetic and sad, it makes Niall feel a little guilty, like it's her fault Louis cheated on him. She's just the messenger. 

"Yeah, it's me. Harry," Harry nods. "Can I come in?" 

Niall nods, moving aside to let him through. 

"Harry, listen. I know-" she's cut off by Harry grabbing her face, smashing their lips together. It's all teeth and fruity gum. 

Harry pulls away panting, curling hair all crazy just like the look in his eyes. Just like the look on Niall's face too, probably. 

"I'm sorry." He shakes his head. "I'm sorry, you're married I know but Louis hurt you, and she hurt me and I-" He rubs his palms in his eyes. "I wasn't thinking, I'm sorry. I'll, just. I'm going to leave now."

"Harry," Niall's not, never really has been attracted to Harry. He's too feminine, like a lesbian hippie but he's got a point. And Niall's a little, possibly a lot drunk. 

"This," she gestures between the two of them. "Stays between us, our secret." 

Harry gives her a confused look, realization flashing on his features as Niall grabs his hand and leads him down the hall. 

She may be drunk, but she's not stupid. She takes him to the basement, not Zayn's bedroom. She pushes him to sit on the sofa, takes off her top before straddling his lap. 

"Did you bring condoms?" Niall is /not/ risking having Harry's baby. The next baby she has is going to be Zayn's, and a boy. 

Harry shakes his head no, already mouthing at her breasts. 

"We can," Harry grabs her butt with both hands, pushing her against him to feel how hard he is already. It feels so fucking good already, Niall tells herself it's because of the alcohol and it has nothing to do with Harry personally. 

"Can I just," Harry's already panting and all Niall's doing is grinding on him and rubbing his nipples a little. If she got this reaction from Zayn every time they had sex Niall probably wouldn't have cheated, maybe. "Can you sit on my face? Please," 

"Fuck," Niall's never really been with a submissive guy, there was a few times Liam let her tie him up and blind fold him but he wasn't really into it and he ended up ripping the ties off without any help, so. 

"Do you want me to like," she gestures to his crotch, hoping he gets what she's trying to say without having to say it. Harry's already laying down on the sofa him and his girlfriend's slept on years ago when Niall first moved in here. 

She doesn't feel bad. This isn't about her and Zayn, after today she'll never touch another man other than Zayn. This is about getting revenge on Louis. Louis hurt Niall and Harry, she did a mean thing first and this is them getting even. 

"I can do it, myself," Harry shakes his head, rubbing himself through his jeans. 

Wow. Okay. Niall's very much okay with this. 

She's a little hesitant though, when it comes to actually taking off her pants. No seconds thoughts or anything, she just didn't shave today.

"Okay." Fuck it, she thinks, and just goes for. She shoves her sweats down her legs. She positions one knee on the side of Harry's head, giving him the full view before she situates her other leg. Harry lets out a little whimper, darting his tongue out to suck her lips into his mouth. 

That, along with the suddenly not so pointless knowledge that Harry eats and drinks everything tongue first makes her dizzy. She'll probably never be able to have a meal with him ever again. 

Harry's tongue is big, is this first thing niall thinks when he starts eating her. He knows how to use it though, once she pushes aside the fact that it's Harry Niall really starts to enjoy herself. He's making little needy, greedy, and pathetic sounds under, slurping in whatever he can get. 

He's definitely better at this than Liam, so Louis fucked up. 

Niall comes before he does, but he asks her to stay put so he can bury his face in her cunt until he makes himself come. Harry is hands down the best one night stand Niall's ever had, including the time Zayn paid her. 

"I already knew, you know." Harry says, minutes later after they've already cleaned themselves up and lit some of Zayn's cigarettes. 

"About Louis and Liam?" Niall's heart is racing for some reason, and she hates it. 

He nods, expressionless. "We all hooked up, the four of us. When El was still there," 

Her entire body feels hot, she's shaking as she takes a long drag of the cigarette to avoid replying right away. She's not confident coherent words would come out right now. 

"It was fine, to me at least because like, she wasn't trying to hide it I guess? Louis is like, she's like. She's a sex addict." Harry shrugs. 

Niall already knew that. Louis is prone to addiction, she told Niall a long time ago that when she likes something she gets an itch to do it, or have it, all of the time. 

That's not an excuse for fucking Liam. But Niall's... Niall's trying not to let herself be mad about that. She just wants Louis out of her life. 

"I want her to be happy, and I don't think I'm enough for her." 

Niall doesn't know. Niall doesn't care, but she especially doesn't know. She has her own life to be concerned with. 

"It's getting late. Zayn's gunna be home soon, so I should get to bed."

Niall stubs out the cigarette, suddenly way more tired than she felt ten minutes ago. 

"You can stay here if you don't want to go back," Niall offers. 

Zayn would be annoyed but he'd never suspect what happened. Not between her and Harry, nia would just tell him what Louis did. He would probably understand. 

"No, I should go. Thank you though," 

Niall walks him to the door, leaning in to hug Harry goodbye when Harry puts one hand on her stomach. It's the first place he's touched her tonight that has made her uncomfortable. 

"You hardly even look pregnant, beautiful as always." Harry smiles. He kisses her on the forehead before he leaves, and Niall absolutely does not cry in the shower for the next twenty five minutes. 

***

Niall hates being in public with Zayn. Whether it's because of who he's friends with or just because he's so good looking, Niall doesn't know but she hates it. In restaurants or stores it isn't so bad, but they're at a fair with their kid, for fucks sake. People won't stop staring at them, a few even snuck pictures like Niall wouldn't notice. 

"No mama I want that, I no want /that/!" Evan got his face painted like a pirate, so his pouting looks even more ridiculous as he refuses to eat his corndog. He wants popcorn. 

"Eat some of this first," Niall would usually give in, just let him have the popcorn but Zayn's here. He won't allow that shit. Real food first. 

"No!" The boy cries, flinging himself back on the bench. 

Zayn pulls him up by his arm, leaning down so they're face to face. "Hey! Cut it out. You don't tell mom no," 

Evander makes annoyed little sounds, pouting and all as he turns to Niall and opens his mouth for a bite. 

Evan pouts some more when it's time to leave, but doesn't throw a temper tantrum because Zayn carries him. He's already asleep by time they get to the car. 

"Today was nice." Niall tells him, /despite the gawkers/. "Thank you." 

Zayn leans over the center to kiss her. "I know. Just wait until we have both boys," 

That would probably be a nightmare and not fun at all. 

"Yeah, I've been wanting to talk to you about that." 

Zayn hums, so Niall continues. 

"My mom's, um. Well she's not well, and I want to wait a bit because if anything happens I need to be able to be there," Niall explains. 

Maura told her not to worry, they caught whatever it was early and after a few treatments she'll be good as new. All Niall heard was cancer and she flipped her shit. Eventually Maura got her to calm down though, assured her it's nothing to fuss over. 

"Of course, babe." Zayn furrows his eyebrows. "Is she alright? We can go there to visit her before we move, if you want." 

Tears well in Niall's eyes. She hasn't seen her Mam in too long, hasn't been home in longer. The thought of Evan experiencing Mullingar, Ireland period, just makes her teary eyed. 

"Really? Thank you, baby. Thank you," Niall leans over while he's driving to give him as many kisses as she can. 

When they get home, Niall rides him twice before Evan knocks on their door. 

***

The cuteness of Theo and Evan meeting for the first time makes up for how awkward it is when Zayn meets Greg for the first time. At first Niall thought he was going for the tough big brother act, but now she's pretty sure he's flirting him. 

"Mama," Evan rubs his sleepy eyes, clinging to her sweater as he curiously stares down at Theo. 

Theo has a cookie shaped like a car clutched in his little fist, waiting for his cousin to come down so he can give it to him. He's so much bigger than the last time Niall seen him, in person and on Skype. Niall squats down so she's her nephews height, Evan hides his face in her chest, peeking out a little.

"This is your cousin Evan, he wants to be your friend baby." 

Theo smiles, big and chubby cheeked as he hands Evan the cookie. 

"Car." Evan tells his cousin. 

Maura and Niall grin at each other as the little baby shyly follows the bigger little baby to the toy box. 

"Are you sure you don't want anything? I can pick up anything you-"

"Greg! Leave the man alone, he's fine he said." Maura saves Zayn. Niall tuned them out in favor of the children but basically Greg has been offering to buy Zayn stuff from whichever store he's going to. 

Greg waves her off with an awkward lopsided smile. "I'll surprise him then."

"You didn't offer me anything," Niall points out. Greg just grins and drops a kiss to her cheek on his way out. 

He's so weird. 

Niall turns to Zayn and gives him a big appreciative hug. They got in last night and she knows he feels a little out of place here. And he has to smoke outside, even though it's freezing out. So Niall definitely owes him for putting up with... all of it. 

"Was he hitting on me?" Zayn whispers in her neck.   
"Yup." Niall's hands barely get a feel on Zayn's little butt before Maura interrupts them by clearing her throat.

"Come on them, dear. I'll make lunch, we need to feed that baby." Maura tuts. "Too skinny."

"He had a big breakfast Ma, Evan eats all day." Niall tells her, Zayn nods in agreement. The four of them went out to breakfast before Greg and Theo came over. 

"Not him, that one." Maura gestures to Niall's belly. 

Oh. 

Niall's heart stops, she feels Zayn tense too. 

"Um, actually Mam," Niall stutters, trying to find the right words to say. 

Luckily, Zayn clears his throat and speaks up for her. "There were complications," he says, all mournful sounding. 

They've forgiven each other and Niall isn't going to throw him under the bus by telling anybody that it's his fault. 

"We lost the baby about a month ago." 

Maura gasps, wrapping her arms around the both of them. 

"I'm so sorry love, I didn't know," she kisses Niall's forehead while she rubs Zayn's back. "You poor things, I am so sorry." 

They stay like that, hugging and comforting each other for a while until Greg comes in with his wife Denise and joins the hug (mostly hugging Zayn). 

It was nice while it lasted.


	6. Chapter 6

Niall doesn't really have like, a move or anything when she flirts, or more like when she's being flirted with. She's a ditsy hot blonde, that alone works for her, it's kind of her thing. So naturally she knows exactly what's going on when she sees another ditsy hot blonde flirting with her husband.

Niall doesn't sprint across their new lawn with Evan on her hip, but she doesn't go leisurely either. Speed walks, more like.

The first thing she notices is that said ditsy hot blonde is not as hot up close, she's got a lot of dark makeup on that just doesn't compliment her... anything, really. Niall is instantly unbothered by ditsy, not so hot blonde.

But. She's new here, and Cruella really should learn sooner than later not to giggle and flutter her clumpy eyelashes at other people's husband's.

"Hi baby! I hope you're hungry, dinner is almost ready," Niall stands on her tippy toes to give Zayn a kiss on the lips.

Dinner is a chicken salad, complete with packaged lettuce and store bought rotisserie chicken. But she still has to heat up the bread, so. Like she said, dinner is almost ready.

"Oh," Niall pretends to just notice the bimbo. "Who's this?"

Zayn clears his throat, taking Evander when the boy reaches out for him.

Niall feels a little giddy at the woman's suddenly annoyed expression. Okay, she feels a lot giddy. But she does refrain from dancing, so credit is due here.

"This is our neighbor Perrie," Zayn points to a big house across the street. "She was just welcoming us to the neighborhood since she didn't get the chance when we moved in," he explains, _Perrie_  nodding along with a flirtatious smile on her purple lips.

Really.

They've been in California for a week now, and their house about three days. It's almost as hot as Florida except nobody really takes advantage of it, apparently, since Perrie is the first person Niall's seen in a bikini since they landed.

"Oh hi! I'm Niall, this is our son Evan, and I guess you've already met my husband?" Niall smiles, hoping she's coming off intimidating.

"I did, yeah." Perrie nods. "It was really nice meeting you, I'm going to get back to tanning though," she addresses Zayn and only Zayn, who smiles politely.  
Niall will pluck his testicle hair one by one with tweezers.

"If you ever need anything just let me know." Perrie waves, swaying her hips in the least subtle way as she crosses the street.

It would be a shame if a car hit her, or a truck. Or a bunch of cars and trucks.

Niall glares at Zayn.

"What?"

She snatches Evan back as gently as she can while trying to prove a point. It's not Evan's fault his stupid hot dad let's half naked ladies flirt with him.

"Let me go put on some string three sizes too small and stand her talking to a man." He would kill her, choke her out with her own bikini.

Zayn snorts. "As if I'd allow you to even own something of the sort."

Niall huffs and stalks off back into the house. The grass isn't so green in California, thanks Perrie.

***

Niall's never really been the violent type. Even when Zayn hits her she doesn't get an urge to hit him back, she's not a violent person. So the fact that Niall day dreams about skinning /Perrie/ alive and making coats for the homeless from her flesh says a lot.

As of ten seconds ago Zayn's flesh is next.

"Why not?" Zayn scoffs, like Niall's the unreasonable one here. "She offered, she lives right across the street."

As if those are legitimate reasons to let someone babysit your child. Niall's seen that Beyonce movie, she knows the signs.

"How cliche of you Zayn." Niall sings. She made Evan a healthy breakfast of all kinds of fruit, so naturally his bowl is untouched as he reaches for yet another donut on the counter.

Zayn hasn't said anything, why should she? Let the boy live.

"Excuse me?" Zayn asks, confused.

"You want to fuck her." Niall points out the obvious. They didn't talk to any of their neighbors in Florida but suddenly he's buddy buddy them all? Okay. "So let's go ahead and make her the babysitter, right? There's only five million porn movies with the same exact plot."

A few months ago Evander started saying "Fuck" and "stupid bitch" (Niall cannot be held responsible for what comes out of her mouth whilst driving) so they're trying to watch what they say around him. He's got headphones on though, watching some crap on Niall's iPad.

"If I wanted to fuck her don't you think I would have already done it?" Zayn raises an eyebrow.

Niall rolls her eyes. "You probably already are."

He snorts into his coffee. Interesting, because Niall doesn't find anything amusing.

"That's rich, coming from you of all people."

Niall sighs, running her fingers through Evan's wavy hair to calm her nerves. Sometimes she needs him more than he needs her, which is not at all what Niall pictured motherhood being.

"I don't care if you fuck her just don't bring my son around her."

But really if Zayn touches her she will come up missing and nobody will find the body.

"The way you brought Liam around my son?" Zayn challenges.

Niall grits her teeth. Liam is dead to her, so is Louis. Harry still sends her snapchat videos though, so they're alright. Apparently he told Louis they can be just friends but who knows how long that will last. Niall doesn't know if she can forgive Louis.

Anyways.

"That's different and you know it." Niall uses her stern voice. It's not so much her mom voice, because she doesn't need one because her child is an angel.

"How's that? Because you're the only one allowed to fuck around?" His tone is mocking, his face amused.

This is a joke to him.

"You know how it was different." Niall busies herself with the dishes. They don't have a dishwasher at this house yet, so that's been loads of fun.

"Mama," Evan takes the earphones out before Zayn can reply, handing Niall the iPad. "I'm going in there." He points to his room, lifting his arms for Niall to help him down.

Zayn smiles at the boy on his way past him, snatching him up for a quick kiss(es, multiple. So many kisses) before Evan can escape.

"I don't want her, Niall." Zayn tells her, setting his breakfast plate in the sink. Niall hums, disbelieving.  
Perrie makes an effort to talk to Zayn every time she sees him, yet he's never once ignored her or told her to fuck off. She doesn't say anything, however, when Niall is outside. Her little crush is obvious.

"If I wanted anyone but you, you wouldn't be here darling." Zayn kisses her cheek, making her shiver.

She still doesn't like Perrie.

***

"What if it's a girl?" Niall asks, emotionless as her and Zayn stare at the white stick she just urinated on, plus the other seven before that.

She already knows she's pregnant, she's been pregnant since before they left for Ireland. Niall's just. Nervous? She can't go through... _that_ , again.

But Zayn is currently puzzling together the pieces. Exhaustion, sensitivity to smell, missed period(s), and the fact that she vomited on herself with no warning. Which was still less embarrassing than when she pissed herself when she was pregnant with Evan.

"It won't be." Zayn shakes his head, knee bouncing from where he's sitting on the side of the tub. He's so happy, and high, Niall's envious. "You're giving me a boy, I just know it."

"But what if it's a girl, Zayn? I can't go through that again, I won't."

Maura knows already. Not about the dirty abortion, but about Niall being knocked up again. It's like she can smell it.

"It's not baby." He looks dreamy, he's definitely making his sexy face, the face he makes when he's being a total creep. He only gets that look when he's turned on while high, Niall would be lying if she said it doesn't get her at least a little hot.

Now's not the time for that though.

"It's a boy, and we'll never have to worry about anything and we can just be happy because you're giving me a boy." Zayn smiles, leaning over to stroke her face.

Niall doesn't even smoke, only occasionally but she prefers California weed to Florida weed already.

Zayn stands up, pulling her bands to stand too so he can kiss her. She totally predicted this, when he walks her backwards to the counter and pulls down her panties before lifting her to sit on it. He bites his bottom lip, giving her that look that never fails to make her feel sexy. It's like, he looks at her like she's the sexiest thing he's ever seen when he gets like this, it makes her feel all soft and submissive.

That look has such an affect on her that he could probably manage a blow job, anal, and a back rub if he played his cards right.

Zayn licks an opened mouth kiss to her collarbone, opening a drawer to the side of them for God knows what. Without taking his eyes away from her face, he manages to wipe her crotch with a deep wipe. Sexy.

"I wanna eat your pussy."

Niall sucks in a breath, her heart skipping like fourteen beats. All she can do is whine and he hasn't even touched her, weren't they just- Zayn sucks a definite bruise on her neck, near the front by her throat. His teeth graze the skin between wet licks, Niall grabs his head to keep him there. His tongue is already so lovely, she'll probably get addicted after just one lick to her cunt. She's ready, her body is ready.

And to think Niall thought they were going to fight tonight.

"Go lay on the bed," his deep (bedroom) voice purrs in her ear. She's all too eager to oblige.

She climbs on the bed while Zayn messes with his radio, turning on what Niall's pretty sure is R. Kelly just low enough for background noise. Zayn takes his shirt off before he crawls between her legs. He lifts her shirt almost all the way over her head, leaving her arms trapped and her eyes covered.

It reminds her of the first time they had sex. He had to of been high then too, or else he probably wouldn't have asked her for a dance.

Zayn kisses a trail from her lips to her neck, over her breasts, her belly button, down to her hips, she's got goose bumps everywhere. He massages her inner thighs, building the anticipation before he finally, _finally_ , lays his tongue flat against her clit.

Immediately her toes curl and she lets out a loud cry, aching into him and away from him all at the same time. She wishes she could see him, but his tongue moves so fast and skilled she probably wouldn't be able to see much anyway.

Niall's thighs squeeze his head, since she can't really do much with her arms and her back arches, one foot flat on his back. How does he hate doing this? He's so good at it.

He stops literally seconds before she's going to come, working his fingers over her clit instead. The whining, choking noises she makes are completely involuntary. She's still coming, shaking and everything when he flips her on her belly, propping her up on her knees. He's slaps her ass once, pushes himself inside her and slaps her ass again.

"Oh my god," Niall moans, or whimpers. She's so dizzy with how... amazing, she feels.

She's still trapped in her shirt, her face mooshing into the mattress with every thrust.

"Daddy," she chokes.

She hasn't called him daddy in... a really really long time. She wasn't kidding when she said it comes naturally. When she's all sensitive and overwhelmed.

"Fuck." Zayn groans, slamming into her harder, digging his fingers into her ass cheeks.

Everything is so much that when Niall comes again, she's too sensitive and she tries to scramble forward. Zayn pulls her back by her hips and continues fucking her. She can't breathe, and she's crying real tears now from how good this is. Her knees are sore, her ass is definitely bruised and she feels like she's going to pass out any second now. This is definitely her favorite kind of sex.

Zayn groans, giving her one last hard thrust before he comes, stilling in her.

"Oh my God." He pulls out, gently pushing her to lay on her back. He's all breathless and panting as he pulls her shirt back down.

Her bones feel like heavy jello.

"Why are you crying?" His grin drops when he takes in her wet face.

Niall pulls him to her, chest to chest so she can kiss him. He must understand, then, what she wants to say but can't.

"Good then?" He grins against her lips, eyes still closed. All Niall can do is sigh and reconnect their lips.

***

Zayn works from home here, in the office he set up in the house. It's nice having him around so much but Niall's going a bit stir crazy being cooped up in the house so much. They sold her truck in Florida before they left so they didn't have to worry about shipping it because Zayn promised to buy them new cars here in California.

So far he bought himself two new vehicles and Niall zero, so.

"Baaaabe." Niall doesn't whine, it just sounds like a whine.

"Daaaaaddy." Evan copies her. They have a plan, if Zayn says no to Niall it's unlikely for him to say no to Evan.

"What, babies?" Zayn smiles, typing on his laptop.

Niall bites her lip to stop herself from smiling stupidly big and walks the way into the office, Evan on her hip.

"Park?" Evan asks, eyes wide with hope.

Niall shakes her head, whispering in his ear.

"Water park?" The toddler repeats.

Zayn sighs, tilting his head at Niall. "You know you're the only one that likes to swim,"

Zayn supposedly can't, and Evan screams and cries and clings to Niall's neck if his toes even so much as graze the water.

"Then let's go do something else, we're bored daddy." Niall flutters her lashes, pouting a little. She pulls Evan's bottom lip so he's pouting too.

"Well." Zayn closes his laptop, folding his hands on top of it. "What should we do about that, babies?"

"A Donalds?" Evan suggests. "My daddy at a Donalds?" He asks Niall.

Zayn raises an eyebrow in question. Luckily he doesn't always understand what Evander is saying or talking about because in the last few weeks of her affair with Liam they always met up at a McDonald's.

"Yeah baby, daddy likes McDonald's." Niall pats his bottom and sets him down, he immediately runs to Zayn's fish tank. Zayn has much weirder looking fish than Evan, obviously more interesting too.

"I was going to do a bit of shopping today," Zayn checks his watch. The damn thing doesn't have numbers, Niall could never read that. "I suppose I can take you two to lunch and we can all go shopping after."

"Shopping for what..." Niall's not falling for that again. One time when Evan was Doniya's (the only person they trust who will watch him, Zayn's mother won't even acknowledge him or Niall) for the night Zayn took her for a bit of shopping and well, long story short: Niall wound up in a fancier version of AutoZone for like three hours.

Zayn smirks. "Some clothes, thinking of redecorating the living room. Somebody has a birthday coming up too, so."

Evan. The best, cutest, smartest little bug in the whole world turns three in eleven days. Niall's so excited, it's bittersweet he isn't a baby anymore but he's the coolest little dude she's ever met and he only gets cooler as he grows. She's a proud mama.  
"I don't know if I want to buy clothes." Niall shrugs. She's pregnant, and the whole gender/sex thing is still giving her anxiety. It'll only make her sadder if she buys paternity clothes and ends up... with a girl.

"Okay. Well lunch, then furniture shopping? You can pick out things for the bedroom." Zayn offers with a small smile.

"Sure." Niall agrees. She wants new blankets and stuff but other than that she loves their room. The mattress, regardless of how old it is, is perfect.

"Before I forget," Zayn stands, stretching his arms over his head. "I have to go back to Florida to tie up some loose ends in a few days. We can stay their long enough for his birthday if you'd like, so Louis and Harry can see him. Normani too,"

That's really, really thoughtful and considerate and just fucking nice because Zayn hates all of them except Normani, he just thinks she's really weird. Other than them and Liam Niall didn't really have any other friends, besides Nick and Nick is cool to hang out with when you just so happen to be in the same place as him but he's not the type to like, keep in contact with or anything.

So, she's just. Out with it, best to get it over with.

"Louis cheated on Harry with Liam." Niall blurts, Zayn coughs into his fist. "So thank you, for thinking of them but I-" Niall shakes her head.

Zayn kind of gives her this look, making her second guess telling him, or even bringing Liam up at all. But then he just, hums and shrugs, shoving his hands in his pockets.

"Really? Harry and I ought to kick his ass, huh?"

Then he laughs, he fucking laughs and picks carries Evan out of the room, even giving Niall a kiss on his way out.

When he's like this, Niall doesn't feel so alone. She feels like Evan isn't her only friend. It's nice.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I accidentally put this update on another story whoops

As if being socially secluded in California weren't enough, Zayn flew his mother and two youngest sisters out for a visit. Safaa is okay, considering she's like ten and super shy around Niall but she keeps Evan busy. Trisha, the beloved mother in law, doesn't acknowledge Niall at all, which is a step up from Waliyha's bitchy comments. 

Currently, Niall is tired and achy but she's being good, playing the stereotypical housewife and cooking dinner for everybody, by herself. 

She wishes Doniya would have came. Doniya would be doing this right now. Sure there would be multiple backhanded compliments too accompany it, but at least then Niall could be sleeping right now instead of pan frying four hundred thousand chicken cutlets. 

"Have you found out what's for dinner, dear?" Trish asks Waliyha instead of Niall. 

Waliyha finally tears her eyes away from the laptop Zayn surprised her with. "What are you making?" 

Niall wipes her forehead with the back of her hand, she's been having flashbacks all day to when her and Zayn first started dating. He said something about men in his family treating women like queens, she feels a bit cat fished now. 

"Chicken parm and pasta." Niall answers. There also bread and salad. This is the only thing she's really good at cooking, Zayn actually asks for this meal. 

Waliyha crinkles her nose. "There's that place we seen earlier, the oriental one," 

/Really bitch/. 

Trisha shrugs. "At least we have wine." She winks, walking out of the kitchen. 

Where the fuck is Zayn? 

*

"When do you find out the gender, darling?" Trisha bats her eyes at her son. 

Every time she talks to him it's like she's flirting, it's strange and Niall doesn't know if she should be uncomfortable or not?

"Ummm," Zayn looks expectantly at Niall, because of fucking course he doesn't know. 

"She didn't ask me." Niall shrugs, forking another bite of pasta in her mouth. 

Zayn growls, low in his throat and gives her the look. The look that means she's in trouble if she doesn't start doing what he wants. She has a feeling his sister and mother would cheer him on if he were to hit here right here instead of in privacy. 

Niall sighs. "Well. I'm fifteen weeks, /darling/," she mocks Trisha in hopefully a subtle way. "So possibly next week if baby cooperates." 

Niall's actually a bit further along than fifteen weeks, luckily she isn't showing as much though. 

"Maybe we'll actually get our boy this time." The evil mother in law says, sipping her wine. 

Niall ignores everybody for most of dinner after that, until she literally cannot hold her tongue any longer. 

"Choco-milk?" Evan offers his grandmother, who proceeds to fucking ignore him. "Hey!" He squeals, trying to get her attention. 

Niall looks at Zayn, he looks a little uncomfortable and annoyed. 

"That's your milk, buddy. You drink it." Zayn says to his son. 

"No the choco-milk for Ramma!" 

Who the fuck told him that... woman, is his grandma? 

"Don't ignore him." Niall stares at Trisha, confident and fucking angry. 

"Babe," Zayn mumbles. Niall ignores him. 

"You can ignore me all you want but don't do that to him." She's not going to sit here and let someone treat her child like he's not there, like he's not important. He's a fucking baby. 

The table is quiet for a long moment after that save for Evan's happy sounds as he takes more bites. Niall's just about to give in and call it a loss when Trisha sighs and looks at Evan. 

"So chocolate milk huh?" 

It's not much, but they have to start somewhere. 

When Niall's cleaning the dishes after dessert,she hears Trisha and Waliyha laughing, obviously under the impression they're alone. 

"The last one was all girls, this one's all other people's kids. That boy's never going to get that money if something doesn't happen." 

And Trisha quickly agrees with "and soon." 

*

"You know," Trisha startles Niall a few hours later on the patio. "You're more important to this family than I care to admit." 

That's. Niall would be reveling at that, dancing and singing and more cocky than Zayn's ever been had she not spent the last few hours wondering why she's here. Does Zayn love her? Or is she here to give him kids so can get whatever money Waliyha was talking about? And how would they even get it? Do they like, sell babies? 

This is all so weird. 

"Our future depends on you, and no offense but it's not looking bright." 

They don't look at each other, they just gaze at the ocean on either side of the deck. Niall doesn't know what the fuck she's talking about but she's piecing the clues together and fuck does she hope she's wrong. 

"I was thrilled when Evander was born, but one look at him tore that all away. He's white, he couldn't even pass as a Malik when he first came out." 

Why the fuck is she telling Niall what she already knows? 

"He is a Malik though." So is Niall. Technically. Legally. 

"Not by blood darling, that's where it counts."

Niall scoffs, rolling her eyes. It's night time, Evan's already in bed. Niall may join him, she's getting that off feeling about Zayn again. 

The kind that makes her think about sneaking back to Ireland. 

"All I ask of you," Trisha says, slow and quiet after quite while. "Is one Malik boy. Just one, then whatever you choose to do won't matter. Please don't destroy my family." 

The second the door slides shut behind her Niall throws up both middle fingers. 

*

Niall means to stay focused, to watch her own back after the kind of discussion with Trisha but Zayn's good. Maybe she should have been expecting this, anything really, but Zayn's good. 

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Niall's in shock, unable to process this information. 

"No baby." Zayn says for the millionth time since showing her, giddy grin on his beautiful face. 

He bought her a new truck, which she loves but. 

He surprised her with a fucking charger. 

"Is this really mine?" Niall stares at the /beautiful/ brand new car. She honestly expected a mom car, like a mini van or something.

"You can't just do this to me!" She sobs, hugging him. She's so happy. And hormonal. "I love it so much," there is probably snot all over Zayn's shirt from all these happy tears. 

"Good baby." He hums, kissing the top of her head. 

"And, there's something else." 

Niall looks up at him, face all wet and lip quivering. Damn hormones. 

"I want you to take this," he hands her his gold card. "And pamper yourself." He cuts her off mid sob to finish. "Get yourself a nice dress or something too, because I would like to take you out while we have a sitter." 

And well, that's how Niall forgets the shady documents she found hidden in Zayn's office last night.

***

They fly out to Florida the day after Zayn's family leaves since Niall conveniently had morning sickness an hour before it was time to go. 

Forgive her, but she already spent the passed week with them. A five to six hour flight might have actually killed her. 

Starting two days before they left (four days ago) Liam wouldn't stop calling her, facetime and regular. He never sent a text, just kept calling. While Zayn's in the backyard playing with Evan Niall goes out front to answer Liam's facetime. 

She's stupid, she knows. 

"Hey." Liam says, all sad and quiet and /bald/. 

What the fuck. 

"Where the hell is your hair?" Niall makes a face, hopefully showing how disgusted she is. He's bald.   
Liam chuckles but he still looks all sad. Niall feels bad for a nanosecond before she remembers that hey, he probably wasn't so sad when he was fucking Louis without a condom. 

"I miss you." Liam rubs his hand over his scalp, where his beautiful hair once was. 

"Okay." She tries to act unbothered but. It's Liam, she can only resist him so much, and to her benefit she has been good for a while now. 

The thing with Harry didn't count. 

"Suppose it's going to be a no, if I ask to see you."

What a convenient coincidence. She's barely been back a full day. 

"I don't know." She says, knowing damn well she's going to find a way to see him but. It's oddly satisfying to see Liam sad because of her. 

Liam nods. He looks so depressed. Niall will probably fall for his shit just to find out he's only tired or something. 

*

Zayn is going with her to find out the gender tomorrow at a different doctors office, one neither of them has been to, supposedly. So, he's being nice to her in case it's a boy. That's how Niall ends up with the keys to his jag and his credit card to go shopping. 

She meets Liam at the mall after buying a couple jogging outfits from Victoria's secret. Jogging, running after a toddler. Same thing. 

"You look good." Liam stares at her belly, significantly smaller than it should be considering he thinks she's still on ghe same pregnancy. 

If that were true, her due date would be right around the corner. Niall's still pretty sad about that, which is why she's keeping the gender to herself. She's known it for a weeks now. 

"Thanks." They're sitting off to the side, somewhat alone drinking milkshakes. Well. Niall's drinking a milkshake, Liam a Gatorade. Stupid healthy personal trainer. 

"I um." He clears his throat. "Hear me out here, please." 

The circles under his eyes are so dark. He looks like he hasn't slept in weeks. 

Niall nods, sympathetic. 

He looks like Evan. It's impossible to be heartless to him. 

"I know it's shitty of me to do this now, since you're married or whatever, obviously moved on," he avoids eye contact, instead staring at the table. 

"I, fuck. I really, really love you." 

Niall's heart stops beating, eyes a little wet. 

"I told Sophia everything. About you, about Evander. Me and her, we aren't in love anymore." 

She doesn't say anything, doesn't know what she even should say. She's over Liam, mostly. Spent too long hating him. 

It's odd timing though, what with her suspicions about Zayn. 

That's her excuse for indulging in Liam, then. 

"We're divorcing. Not on bad terms, we're. She thinks Evan is really cute and she's actually happy for me," Liam shakes his head, surprised smile on his face. 

"Let's leave my son out of this." She's kind of pissed he's going around showing Evan's pictures but at least there wasn't a negative reaction. 

Niall's not violent but she'd have to beat Sophia's perfect ass had she insulted her baby. 

Liam winces. "Of course." 

"Why are we here?" /What do you want from me?/

"I know it's too late," he does look in her eyes this time, desperate. "But I couldn't live with myself if i didn't try." 

If he proposes, Niall's decides she's walking away. 

"I love you, and I want to be with you. Genuinely, for real this time."

She laughs, actually laughs and shakes her head. "You're just lonely. You need a rebound."

"No." He denies, fierce and quick. "No Niall, I couldn't admit it before and you know why but it's different now. I'll do whatever it takes, anything." 

She thinks it over. This is a lot for one day, too many emotions. She's got to be back soon, to start dinner for her current family. 

They haven't rented out the house yet, so most of their old stuff is still there, whatever they took has been replaced. Niall kind of likes it. 

"You're asking me," she sighs. "To leave my husband because you've finally decided you love me back after four years?" 

Over four years, Evan will be three in a few days. 

Niall makes a mental note to stop on the toy store before she leaves. Little babe already has almost everything there is but maybe she'll find some new trains or something. 

"I just. I couldn't not tell you. I'll do anything," 

He sounds so pathetic. This is the Liam she fell in love with all those years ago when she convinced herself he was just a phone bill and a good fuck. 

"I'll think it over." She promises, this time it's not a lie. 

***

"You are the most beautiful," Zayn kisses her neck again. "Perfect, amazing wife I could ever ask for."

He's even letting her eat chocolate (that he bought her) in bed! They're watching a movie she picked, and earlier he gave her a foot massage. This is what it's like then, carrying a male Malik. 

She wasn't even treated this nice on her wedding night. 

"Thank you baby." Niall chirps, giggling when Zayn licks chocolate off her cheek. 

She almost feels bad for having Zayn's name taken off of Evan's birth certificate. Almost. 

"So," she pauses for a second, distracted by an interesting part in the movie. 

They're watching Step Brothers, it's all interesting. 

"What happens after we have the baby? Like, you'll get your boy, then what?"

Niall knows, through legal documents and letters she found hidden in his files that he's going to inherit money from some older family member, a grandfather or a great uncle maybe. The conditions were that he be married with a biological son to carry on the family name. It's a hefty amount, she can understand why he pushed for it. But, that leaves a lot of room for question. 

Basically, is it her or is it the money? A lot of her beginning suspicions make sense now. 

"What do you mean?" 

She means, are they staying together or what. She doesn't remember ever signing a prenuptial agreement so she isn't exactly worried about finances, just. Is she wasting her time, convincing herself to stay with him after everything Liam just told her? 

"What's next?" He hasn't told her about the money, just makes vague comments on it. Does he plan on hiding it from her? "Do we keep doing things like before? Do I go back to school because you'll be at home now? What are we doing," 

Zayn hums, she can feel his grin on her ear. "You can go back to school. You don't need to, but you absolutely can." 

It's not much of an answer, at all really. Why won't he just tell her? Some of those documents are dated back to 2006, and Trish and Waliyha made comments about a different person having all girls? But Zayn said he's never been in a real relationship, for like ten years until he met her?

She doesn't like this. This snooping around and trying to figure out the truth. Being lied to about everything. 

"Then in a couple years we can try for a girl, if you want." Zayn squeezes her, kissing her temple. "Have all the girls you want after him." 

She keeps her mouth shut until she can find out some more information. This time, she will be alert and not ignore anything she finds odd or suspicious. 

For now though, she leans back to kiss him goodnight.


	8. Chapter 8

Louis has her baby a few days after Evan's third birthday, according to Harry's play by play on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and snap chat. There's even a video of Harry proposing while Louis is still covered in sweat with a little pink bundle in her arms. It's admittedly very cute.

And the baby has dimples. That's a good sign, considering Liam nor Louis have them, meaning little Zoey had to have gotten them from Harry. Niall sent a congratulatory edible arrangement from the Malik's after discovering the dimples.

"Daddy can't wait for you to come, little bug." Zayn says to Niall's belly from where he's laying on her lap, enjoying some ice cream with her stomach as a table.

Evan bops over and opens his mouth expectantly, waiting for Niall to feed him a bite even though he already ate his own. Fat butt.

"It's not a bug daddy!" The toddler yells, trying to pry his fingers off of his brother. "It's my brother!"

"It's daddy's bug, baby." Niall tells him, holding out her spoon to share another bite as Zayn covers her belly with kisses.

He slaps the spoon out of Niall's hand.

"It's not a bug!" Evan throws himself of the floor, crying and screaming, slamming his head on the floor.

Niall's first instinct is to push Zayn so she can protect baby's head, Zayn's. Not so much.

He practically leaps off the sofa and snatches Evan up by his arm, carrying the kicking and screaming boy to the corner. Niall watches from the edge of her seat, ready to intervene if needed.

What's in her stomach is Zayn's precious cargo, and if he hits Evan she will threaten to throw herself down the stairs.

She won't actually do it, but Zayn doesn't know that.

"You stand in this corner until I tell you you can move, do you hear me?"

Evan, now crying real tears (very loudly) nods his head yes.

Niall just wants to kiss his little face until it's all happy again.

Is it weird that it reminds her of Liam's face after they had goodbye sex in his house last week? Minus all the tears, he was fairly upset to see her go. It wasn't even goodbye, it was see you later because cutting liam out completely is easier said than done.

"Here," Zayn hands her a clean spoon, already having wiped up the ice cream.

"Thank you. He didn't have a nap today so I think that's why he's emotional, plus I made him pee on the potty so-"

Zayn cuts Niall off. "Don't make excuses for him. I'm dad not a guest, it's not. You don't need to apologize."

He's right, she supposes. Disciplining Evan isn't really something she's had to do yet, especially not in front of anyone. Zayn handled it though, without Niall having to do anything at all.

She's so. Grateful and in love. She makes kissy faces at him until he finally plants one on her.

Things like this, how great they can be together, make her lose focus on why she's supposed to be watching her own back around him. He's good.

"Did you learn your lesson?" Zayn asks, loud enough for Evan to hear.

Evan turns around, lip quivering as he shakes his head yes. Poor little baby.

"Come tell mama you're sorry." He tells his son.

Evan stomps over to Niall, head bowed all sad and ashamed.

"I sorry mama." He mumbles.

"I forgive you, honey." Niall scoops him up, giving him kisses all over to cheer him up. It doesn't work.

A few minutes later, Zayn makes a quiet joke along the lines of "daddy has a different punishment for you baby," and Evan absolutely glares at his mom's giggle.

***

So that's how it goes, all happy and perfect and hardly any conflict for weeks. Niall's big and swollen, very irritable but Zayn makes up for it. Mostly. Right now though, he's pushing her fucking buttons.

Niall's in a dress, because she's too hot to wear underwear and she's sick of her shirts riding up or her shirts falling down. Anyways. They're participating in a block party, Niall's only in it for the food. Rich bitches can cook.

Evan's running through this awesome carwash sprinkler in someone's yard that Niall would like to lay under. Push all the kids away and just nap under the spray. But instead she's sat next to Zayn, who surprise surprise is talking to Perrie.

There are at least sixty people outside. Why.

"So like. Did you enjoy the bacon dip? I made that. From scratch." Perrie grins, batting her false lashes. It's a million degrees out and her face still looks like a birthday, one Niall would like to cut.

"He doesn't eat bacon." He doesn't eat pork period, neither does Niall. They eat chicken, occasionally hamburger and more chicken. No piggies though.

"I'm sure it was delicious though." Zayn adds with the most annoying charming smile that Niall decides earns him forty minutes of rubbing her swollen feet tonight.

"I made that pie too," Perrie chirps, ignoring Niall. With the way they're sitting it looks like they're on a date and Niall's the third wheel.

"Oh, really?" Zayn apparently ignores his wife too.

She hears Evan laughing to her left. Little babes gonna sleep so good tonight.

"Uh huh! Here, I'll cut you a slice. Everybody on the block loves this, it's always gone so fast." The blonde laughs, hanging Zayn a plate of a huge, colorful looking pie.

"What kind is that?" Niall asks, reaching for it. "I'd love to try- oh, oh no. Look at that."

As soon as the plate was in reaching distance Niall slaps it up. It was kind of obvious, if she's honest. Zayn coughs to disguise a laugh.

"Did you slap my pie on purpose?" It seems like, maybe Niall's been in the sun too long but it seems like Perrie is confronting her?

Adrenaline sparks through her veins. _Please_.

"Of course not." Niall fake pouts, poking at her pasta salad with her fork. "I was really looking forward to throwing it up."

Zayn 'coughs' again.

"You know," she rubs her tummy. "Because of Zayn's baby. Inside of me."

" _Your_  baby probably would of enjoyed it if you didn't purposely slap it down." Perrie snaps.

Niall's been waiting to snap back for months. "And I'll purposely slap you down if you don't stop trying to feed my fucking husband."

Before Perrie can say anything Zayn's standing up, grabbing Niall's arm to help her up. "Alright, let's go."

"Fucking bitch." Niall swears, stalking off in the direction of their house. "Get the fuck off me," she snatches her arm away from him.

"Babe, come-"

"Fuck you Zayn!" Niall slaps his chest, right there on the sidewalk in front of all of their neighbors. Too angry to care that she's just embarrassed him or whatever. Does he think she isn't embarrassed? All sweaty and pregnant while he flirts with blonde Ronald McDonald?

"Keep an eye on Evan for me?" Zayn says to some square in a chef's hat and apron. Does Zayn even know this nerd? "I'll be back in about twenty minutes."

The guy, who Niall now recognizes as the guy literally next door, who's grass Zayn sometimes cuts. Whoops.

He drags Niall in the house by her arm, slamming the door behind him.

"Wrong blonde Zayn, I'm not the one who pushes her breasts at you every time you come into view!" She kicks off her sandals, already digging through the laundry basket on the sofa for a tank top and the good pair of shorts with a broken elastic.

"Well, you should." Zayn shrugs, adding to her irritability. She's gunna punch him in the throat.

"I'm going to punch you in your throat."

It's probably not the first time she's ever threatened Zayn, but it is the first time that it's not actually a threat. It's a fact.

"Oh yeah?" He asks, raising an eyebrow. He walks towards her slowly, hands in his pockets.

"Stay the fuck away from me." Niall warns. The dress gets stuck on her boobs. She grunts and growls, tugging at it until Zayn helps her pull it over her head.

"I said stay away. You don't fucking listen-" It's swift, how fast he bends her over the couch.

"Seriously?"

"Mhm." Zayn hums, pushing the shorts back down. He bites her butt cheek the second it's out. "You're always so much nicer after I let you come."

Yeah, Niall's annoyed but. She could go for some sex. So she shoves the plush blanket from the back of the couch under her tummy and rests her forehead on her arms.

"I want to come twice." She says, just to take some kind of control.

"Oh, you're feeling greedy today, hmm?" His fingers are already rubbing her as he presses random kisses all over her butt cheeks.

Niall hums in agreement. After she comes she's going to force Zayn to collect Evander while she eats chocolates in bed. And possibly takes a nap.

"Hurry up." She wiggles her butt, ready to get this show on the road. She's wet enough, let's go.

Zayn smacks her ass. Hard. "Is that how you talk to daddy?"

Oh.

"Now tell daddy your sorry."

Niall's breath catches in her throat. Usually she's closer to orgasm when the daddy thing comes out, so this different. It's so. Amazing, how Niall's mood changed so quickly.

She gasps when his fingertips press against her ass hole. "Daddy,"

"Hmm?"

"I'm," she cuts herself off with a moan, his middle and ring finger wiggle in her, searching for her spot. "More," she pushes back against his fingers.

He pulls them out of her completely.

And slaps her ass again, and again, and again. Harder each time.

"You know better," another spank. "Than to act like that,"

Niall's ass is probably bright red. She, she loves being spanked. Dominated. But she can't tell if this is foreplay or not.

He hits her three more times, she whimpers into the couch.

"Now," he pulls up her shorts, then pulls her up by her arm.

She looks, confused. She's turned on and all soft now, since he's gone and brought out the daddy thing. Fucker.

"Go take a cold shower. I'm going to go get Evan, give him a bath, and lay him down for a little nap. When I'm done, I'll deal with you."

He spanks her one last time for good measure.

***

Liam calls her at two in the morning, five a.m. his time. Zayn answers.

Niall wakes up gasping for air, Zayn's hand wrapped around her throat.

"Why the fuck is he still calling you?" He yells.

Niall's bladder is too full for this. "Who?" She pries at his fingers. It's not use, he's stronger than her.

"Baby I'm-" she's so. She thinks she's having a panic attack? She can't breathe, because of Zayn and she's scared and she literally just woke up, she has to pee and the baby won't stop moving.

"Why is Liam calling you in the middle of the night?" He repeats, swapping out the choking for slapping.

She tries to push herself up but he pulls her back down by her hair and covers her mouth, pushing her head into the mattress and. That's all it takes for her to start crying. She does piss herself, through no fault of her own. Her lungs feel... so small and she doesn't even care what Zayn's saying because it doesn't matter.

"Get the fuck out!" Zayn pushes her off of the bed, kicking her in her back to get her the rest of the way off.

Her back hurts and she's soaked and so fucking confused, so it's justified when Niall picks up the decorative alarm clock on the bed side table and whips it at his head.

"Are you trying to kill this baby too?" She screams.

Literally five minutes ago she was drooling on his collarbone, so what the fuck.

"Or me? Are you trying to fucking kill _me_  again?" She starts throwing everything in reaching distance, aiming for his face every time.

He comes at her, all angry looking and she can't find it in her to care. She pushes him and when he catches her hand she punches him in the eyebrow because she aimed to high and she can't stop now that's she's started. She just keeps punching and slapping and scratching him and he's not even really fighting back, just blocking his face and yelling.

Eventually though, after what feels like for ever but is realistically only a few seconds she has to stop because she can't breathe. With one last push she slowly, painfully waddles to the bathroom, making sure to lock the door before running the tub for a bath. She finds her emergency inhaler and strips, sitting in the warm water no longer than two seconds before Zayn busts in.

He eyes her, panting and clinging to the inhaler and her belly. Zayn sits on the side of the tub. He adjusts the water for her, making it a tad warmer and dropping in some of her salts.

Once she's calmed down, Niall notices Zayn staring at her.

"I shouldn't have done that." He says.

Yeah, no shit.

"I know I said I would never... do _that_  again but, Liam called your phone Niall. In the middle of the night."

She blinks at him, sleepy and sad, scared, mad. All of it. Yes, she had sex with Liam while they were in Florida but after that she's pretty much ignored him.

"Are you still seeing him? I'd like to know of I'm wasting my time with you."

"I'm not seeing him."

He's had every text, every call, everything she's done on her phone sent to his for years. That's another thing she found when she was looking through his files. He keeps records on everything, but she's never found anything on him being with another woman and having kids with her.

And he keeps the std test records of every woman he's been with. So.

"Then why is he calling in the middle of the night?"

"You talked to him, not me." How the fuck should she know what Liam wanted?

There's bruises forming on Zayn's face, his temple and his cheek mostly. Good. Niall's going to be covering up his finger prints on her neck for weeks probably.

"What the fuck did he say to you for you to kick me in my back?"

He's lucky the baby is still moving. She should tell him he isn't though, make him feel even more like shit.

"He hung up when I answered."

Niall laughs, humorless. He didn't say anything, then. Cool.

"If this baby doesn't start moving, I'm filing a police report on you." She would never, but the look on Zayn's face is exactly what she wanted. What she was going for.

If he hits her, whatever she doesn't really care but he can't do that while she's pregnant. She's seven months with the boy he literally killed for and he fucking kicked her out of bed? Really?

He goes to put his hand on her stomach and she pushes it away. "Don't touch me."

He nods sadly, like this isn't his fault.

***

The next day, while Niall's grocery shopping gets a call from a Florida number, so she answers it.

It's Sophia. She tells Niall congratulations on the pregnancy, and so sorry to inconvenience her but Liam's in the hospital for attempted suicide and well, "he keeps asking you."

She doesn't even sound like how Niall had expected. She sounds like she's Liam's friend or something, like Niall never fucked and breeded with her husband. Makes sense though, since Liam said they fell out of love.

So even though she's still incredibly pissed at Zayn, she asks for advice.

"It's not like. Romantic or anything, Zayn. He almost killed himself over me, I can't just shut him out on his deathbed."

Zayn nods. Whether he genuinely agrees or he's just still feeling bad about last night well, it's the later for sure. He keeps asking if the baby moved yet, truth is he's been doing fucking aerobics in there but Niall won't say that.

"I just. I have to call him, or something? I don't think I want to see him unless he needs me there, then I guess I have no choice" Niall rambles.

She cuts herself off to take a deep breath before she cries again. If Liam were actually... dead, Niall doesn't know what she would do. It's so heartbreaking to think about how he must of felt when he took whatever he took.

"So you're going to call him?" Zayn asks, quiet with little eye contact.

"I think so." She nods.

Evan comes running in, demanding his lunch. The boys eat their sandwiches while Niall sits in her car to call Liam.

***

He was drunk and sad, he said. Been depressed for a while. He misses Niall, and Evan. He's lonely, but promises he'll be alright. Niall believes him.

***

"What do we do?" Niall asks, clutching her stomach in pain. Contractions every four or so minutes since this morning. She's in labor and they have nobody to watch Evan while she has a baby.

"So help me Zayn if you even mouth a fucking P sound I'll go have this baby by myself."

Zayn quickly shuts his mouth after that, scratching his head all awkward.

"I'm sorry," Niall whimpers, another contraction ripping through her. "Just go grab my bag, and pack one for Evan okay? I'll figure something out, alright?"

Zayn nods, kissing her head and rubbing her belly before going to do what she asked him to.

Normani's good friend Lauren loves out here, a few miles from them. She never told Zayn about her, and for a reason too. But Lauren and Normani promised if Niall ever needed anything, Lauren would be there.

She's true to her word too, because twenty minutes later she's pulling in Niall's driveway to pick up Evan, pretending to be a babysitter who's number Niall got from the woman down the street.

"So do you want to go now then?" Zayn asks. He gave Lauren almost six hundred dollars for the inconvenience, which was hilarious.

"I wanna take a bath so I can shave," she pushes herself off of the sofa, pausing to grip the arm when another contraction ripples through her. "You know what, let me just change my shirt and we can go."

*

They barely have time to check in before she starts crowning, meaning niall ends up giving a natural birth.

It's the worst pain of her life. That is, until the doctors start yelling and running around and Niall notices the baby isn't crying.

"What the fuck is going on?" Zayn yells, demanding answers as he holds a cold cloth to Niall's head.

"Zayn," Niall cries, desperate and scared. She can't lose another baby. She can't.

"Somebody tell me what the fuck is happening with my son!"

A doctor, covered in Niall's blood comes over and offers a hand to introduce himself. Zayn slaps it away.

"There's a minor issue with baby's lungs, happens all the time. We're going to take care of everything, you'll have a healthy screaming baby in no time." The doctor promises with a genuine smile. Niall's so tired and worried she has no choice but to believe him so she can just sleep already

When she wakes back up the commotion is settled. Zayn is calm, smiling fond at the baby in his arms.

"Zayn," Niall croaks. He passes over the baby, kissing her forehead.

"I didn't fill out the birth certificate yet. I don't know what you want to name him, and I didn't want to assume a junior was okay." Zayn scratches the back of his neck.

He's been very considerate lately, since be thought he killed the baby.

"Junior is fine." Niall kisses the baby, Junior's, head. He's so, so small. Evander was once this small, hopefully get along.

"Okay, thank you." He kisses her again, on the lips this time.

Niall sends pictures to everybody and asks Lauren how Evan is. Apparently he's having a lot of fun. They went to a zoo and had ice cream, she sent Niall a picture of him sleeping with chocolate smeared on his forehead and around his mouth that makes her happy.

"Hey Zayn,"

"Yeah babe?"

Niall adjusts Junior, rubbing her finger over his pouted lips. "In the bottom of the diaper bag, there's a folder for you."

She went over everything with her lawyer, she never signed a prenup. Zayn has enough money that if she gets half her and the kids be comfortable until she can work. She probably won't even have to, but she will.

"What's this, then?" He's only opened the folder, hasn't even taken the papers out.

She doesn't care about the almost billion dollars he's going to inherit, which he tried to keep secret. He can have it. That's all he married her for anyway. So he could have a boy and inherit the money. He just never told her any of it, and that's how Niall knows he doesn't love her for her. Or at all, probably, since there was a time limit that was cutting it close to the end for this money.

"There's an agreement in there for custody of him," Niall gestures to the baby in her arms. "I want a divorce. All you have to do is sign, you'll notice I only want a small percentage of what you be getting."

Zayn looks like he's seen a ghost. For now though, Niall ignores him and focuses on the little bundle in her arms. Nothing but him and Evan matter to her anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PART THREE WILL BE UP IN NO LATER THEN TWO WEEKS happy endings I promise this isn't the end


End file.
